


New Beginnings

by seooshi



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Ok this was originally just a fic where Trilla went through self growth, Personal Growth, Pining, Self-Acceptance, Trauma, and lord knows we all need some more wlw ships. I also personally think they're better off together, and theres a potential sequel coming up!, but in the end I decided this was better off as a fic where trilla slowly realizes shes a lesbian, but then it turned into caltrilla bc its a popular ship and many wanted it to happen here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seooshi/pseuds/seooshi
Summary: Merrin held out her hands, and Trilla put her own in hers. “Trilla, all of us who have been on this ship, we have been a part of something terrible. I believe that all of us are upset over something, and we just don’t want to show it because we think it’s too painful for others. For those of us who live on the Mantis, we want to help each other learn from their grief and to support them, even at their worst. Okay?” She smiled weakly, looking into Trilla’s eyes to make sure she was paying attention.
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Trilla Suduri | Second Sister, Cere Junda & Trilla Suduri | Second Sister, Greez Dritus & Trilla Suduri | Second Sister, Merrin & Trilla Suduri | Second Sister
Comments: 92
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trilla took a deep, hesitant breath and walked towards the door, but as she moved she felt a horrible, sharp pain in her back. Trilla gasped, halting in her tracks. Wincing at her wound, she shakily brought up her hands and reached behind her. Her muscles sore and straining, she felt gauze strips that had been wrapped around her chest.

Trilla didn’t know what had happened after she had been knocked out in her last fight with the ever frustrating padawan, Cal Kestis, but when she woke, curled up in a tight ball, she sensed that another force user was nearby. Was she back at her “home”? Had her last fight for the holocron been just a dream? 

The dark room in which she lay rumbled.  _ Either that’s an aquatic creature running into the Inquisitorium,  _ Trilla thought,  _ or I’m on a ship.  _

Her thoughts felt fuzzy as she slowly stretched out her legs and got to her feet. The metal floor vibrated at her toes, and stopped with a dull thud that resonated throughout the room. Her body swayed at the movement and she stretched her arms out to balance herself.

_ Okay, I’m definitely on a ship. _

Her yellow eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she was just able to make out her surroundings. A small cot rested behind her, connected to the wall and able to retract into it. A small, leafy plant rested in the corner among storage containers. Ever so slowly, she finally noticed a dim line of light on the floor, and heard quiet voices on the other side.

Trilla took a deep, hesitant breath and walked towards the door, but as she moved she felt a horrible, sharp pain in her back. Trilla gasped, halting in her tracks. Wincing at her wound, she shakily brought up her hands and reached behind her. Her muscles sore and straining, she felt gauze strips that had been wrapped around her chest. 

She didn’t know that she had been holding in her breath until the pain in her arms, shoulders, and back had become too unbearable for her. She let out a sigh and gritted her teeth.  _ C’mon, Second Sister. You’ve killed and killed and have been through far greater pain than this. Get. Yourself. Together! _

Trilla forced herself to move towards the door, her leaden feet sliding along the floor. She wanted to sleep so  _ badly  _ but if she had to fight out of this she’d do it nonetheless.

Even with her brave face put on, the blinding light of the ship made her stumble in disarray, falling to her knees. She reached for her lightsaber but couldn’t find it anywhere on her body.  _ Crap.  _ She frantically looked in the dark room but couldn’t see it anywhere.

A throat cleared in front of her as Trilla blinked hard, her eyes adjusting to the brightness. Trilla hesitantly turned around, and there-  _ Oh, Maker  _ \- was her former master, Cere Junda.

It couldn’t have  _ really  _ been her- could it? Trilla  _ swore  _ she was winning in her battle against Cal. How could she not? The dark side was within her, giving her strength and more victories among all others. So why was she here? With Cere? 

Trilla’s eyes scanned around her master, trying to get a grasp on what was going on. She smelled the remnants of a well cooked meal, and saw a small droid peer at her from behind Cere’s feet, letting out an inquiring boop.  _ Hey- wasn’t that the droid that was always on Cal’s back?  _ She searched for him, and saw that he was sitting on a seat- suffering from a wound just like how she is. A woman with markings on her skin was next to him, helping him up so that he may stand. A lateron walked in to clean up the plates left at the table but stopped to turn and look, sensing the seriousness of the situation. In fact, all of them were looking at her. Cere looked at Trilla straight in the eyes, as if to steady her.

To be honest, the only thing keeping Trilla where she was, was the shock of seeing her former master- the Jedi who was to weak to resist her torture, the Jedi who gave her padawan and the younlings away. She began to tense up, and the wounds on her back didn’t help her any.

“Trilla,” Cere said to her, trying to settle her down.

She could only shake her head, trying to hold back the tears that have been held inside her for years. 

“Trilla, please. It’s okay. You are  _ safe  _ now. Do you understand?” Cere cupped a hand underneath her chin, giving her padawan a slight, warm and friendly smile.

Safe?  _ Safe?  _ Master Junda would  _ never  _ understand what her padawan had suffered through all these years. Nightmare after nightmare, dream after dream. Memory after memory. Trilla could never,  _ never  _ forget the day she and the younglings had been caught by the growing Empire. The cries of those who had resisted being cut short by blasters, her shouts towards those who lived to stay by her side. None of them could handle the torture devices used against them, so they had perished. Trilla’s blame was on Cere.  _ She  _ had betrayed them and killed the innocent. Not Darth Vader, not the Emperor, not the Empire.  _ Master Junda _ was the culprit here. Nonetheless, even through all her hate and anger, Trilla was weakened by her wounds, both physical and emotional. 

She sobbed and fell to the ground, her dark hair curtaining her face. Trilla was thankful for its cover- she couldn’t be seen vulnerable like this. 

Cere moved closer, as if to hold her close, but thought better of it and decided not to push. “Trilla.” She hesitated. “When you’re ready, we'll have a meal set out for you, and then we’ll talk. Okay?”

When Trilla did not respond, Cere walked away to help the lateron with the dishes to leave her at peace.

Trilla’s sobs slowly died down to sniffles and she heard a voice say, “C’mon Merrin, let’s give her some space.” Two pairs of feet shuffled by her and retreated into a room further into the ship.

She looked up and blinked slowly, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.  _ It’s going to be okay. Just ask her how you got here and leave as soon as you can.  _

Trilla slowly stood, holding onto the wall for support, her back searing in pain. Trilla groaned in effort and stood crookedly on her weak legs.  _ Is every part of me weak?  _ Trilla asked herself as she hobbled over to the seating. She plopped down into a chair at the table and rested her head onto the surface, stretching her back as lightly as possible.

She distinctly remembered her back getting sliced by a blue lightsaber and her falling down. Maybe she hit her head and that was how she had passed out, but Trilla was  _ definitely  _ going to get Cal for that anyways. He had been a sharp stick in her side for far to long, but-

“Feeling comfortable?” Cere asked her, handing her a bowl of hot broth and a roll of bread. “Sorry, it's not much.” She added once she saw Trilla eyeing the meal. “We’re beginning to run a bit short on food now, especially with added members to Greez and mine’s crew. We’ll have to stock up sometime soon.”

It was the most food Trilla would’ve had had in days, but she held herself back. Better not make her master think she wanted to be there. “Where’s my lightsaber?” She asked, steel in her voice even though tears still shone in her eyes.

“I have it. I’ll give it to you when you’re ready.”

Trilla scoffed. “As if you ever knew I was ready for anything.”

Cere looked hurt but quickly changed back to her normal state. “I  _ meant  _ when you’re able to move freely again. You’ve got to heal your wound properly.” 

Trilla scowled. “How did I get here?  _ Why  _ am I here?”

“Because you needed  _ saving _ , Trilla. When Cal had beaten you, we-  _ I  _ wanted to bring you in, to make sure you were going to be okay. Darth Vader was chasing us down and we had to get out of there, fast. Trilla, if he had gotten to you, you would’ve been dead. I couldn’t leave you like that, not again.” Cere said solemnly, looking her padawan in the eyes. She reached out a hand to grab onto her wrist, but Trilla pulled her arms back with a sharp intake of breath. 

She was on the verge of tears again. “Thank you.” Trilla forced out through her teeth. “But I’ll be leaving as soon as I heal. Do you know that?”

Cere looked heavily saddened by this, but nodded her head. “Yes. Yes I do.”

“Good. Now can you leave me be? Please.” 

Once her nightmare left her, Trilla gorged herself on her meal, dipping her bread into the thin broth and thinking.  _ How will I even get out of this mess? Am I just at the beginning again? I don’t want to be. I don’t  _ ever  _ want to be. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""Trilla walked out into the main part of the ship, nervously looking side to side. She heard some clattering in the storage room, and decided to sit down next to the holotable. Looks like they’re on the planet Bogano.""

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to publish! I got pretty busy :) next chapter might be even shorter

“Hey, get up kid!” The lateron shouted from the doorway.

He appeared uneasy, and shuffled back into the hall when he saw Trilla begin to rise from her sleep.

She wiped the sweat sticking her hair to her forehead, another nightmare dissipating into nothing. Her back was still in pain, but not nearly as bad, she noticed once she stood up, as the first time she woke. At least today, she could fight her way out if need be.

Trilla walked out into the main part of the ship, nervously looking side to side. She heard some clattering in the storage room, and decided to sit down next to the holotable. Looks like they’re on the planet Bogano.

_ Okay Second Sister,  _ she thought,  _ lets try to not talk much, take it easy, and you’ll get out of here in no- _

“I see that you’re awake,” a woman said, walking in. “How are you feeling?”

Trilla looked up and saw the woman from earlier, and she noticed this time that she was from Dathomir. “I’m alright.” She forced out, returning her gaze to her hands.  _ Doesn’t she know who I am? What I’ve  _ done _? How can someone talk to her like this? _

The woman shyly sat next to her. “I’m Merrin.”

“Trilla.” Might as well make  _ some  _ conversation.

“We went and got some new supplies.” She said. “It was my first time walking on a different planet. With no one else with me, I mean, so that was a pretty strange experience.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because the Empire is chasing us?” Merrin frowned. “Cere figured that it would be safer if it was just me, considering she and Cal must be pretty well known.” She laughed lightly, clearly at ease. “We definitely needed her help in keeping our whereabouts quiet, so thankfully she was there for us. Especially considering what an idiot Cal is about that sort of thing.”

“Yeah,” Trilla commented dryly. “He wasn’t too hard to find.”

“Oh.” Merrin looked away, an awkward silence following.

Trilla thought for a bit, then said: “Wait, wouldn’t that take a couple days?”

“What do you mean? Getting supplies?” Merrin questioned.

“Yeah, that.”

“Well, yeah! Didn’t Greez tell you that you were asleep for that long?”

“No.” Trilla muttered.  _ All that time to plan, wasted.  _

“Seems like you needed it.” Cere said, walking in. “You’re healing up pretty nicely.”

Trilla clamped her hands together in her lap and kept her gaze away, taking a shuddering breath.

“Would you like to eat something? We’ve got a ton of new supplies.” Her former master asked.

She  _ was  _ hungry. “Yes, please.” Trilla said quietly

Cere nodded. “Alright. Do you want to go outside while Greez and I prepare a meal for all of us? Get some fresh air?”

_ Anything to get out of here. _

“Okay, just don't get too far. No matter how peaceful this planet is, the creatures can be dangerous.”

Trilla bolted up- well, as fast as she could with her back- and stepped outside, the morning air cooling her skin. She took a deep breath, shutting her eyes tight. Maybe she shouldn’t have moved so fast, that way her back wouldn’t hurt as bad as it did. She winced as she shuffled away from the Mantis, the scabs in her back cracking apart as she moved.  _ I’ll have to fix that later, if anything.  _ She thought.  _ I’ve handled worse.  _

Trilla figured she should meditate, get a taste of the dark side again so that it may strengthen her,  _ renew  _ her. The only problem was the boglingsthat scurried over the land- they had a very high chance of disrupting her. Trilla searched for a spot anyways, hoping that she could at least restore some of her strength during her meditation, and spread her senses out.

She found a spot of earth that was untouched by the boglings, and rested herself there, trying to calm her breathing. Then, she expanded her mind to all that was around her, sensing the force flow through everything, sensing and feeling her hate and anger towards everything spread out. The Dark Side lashed out through her, for her, and against her. It was reckless and devastating, and tore through all things. She hated it, but it made all of her being. She tensed at the darkness, feeling its strength and power. The fear it brought her gave  _ her  _ strength and power. 

But the force is still tricky in all ways.

Keenor Forha, now the eldest of the younglings, the younglings she was told to protect with her life crouched, cowering in the corner of the cave that they were hiding in. The rodian covered her face in fright, and looked to Trilla for comfort as they heard blaster fire outside.

“It’s okay,” Trilla said breathlessly as she jogged inside. “It’s okay.”

She had just lost two younglings to the Empire. She didn’t want to lose more. Other kids began to crowd around Trilla and Keenor. Some had tears streaming down their face, others looked scared, and another shocked to his core. Trilla would do anything for these kids.  _ Anything.  _

Trilla jerked away, her breathing shallow and short as she planted her face in her hands, trying to escape the past, present and future. Her breathing began to slow as she was adjusting to reality, and she heard footsteps crunch the grass behind her. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Cal asked her from behind.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” Trilla forced out. Truthfully, she felt her connection to the dark side was damaged, but she passed it off to the boglings distracting her, and blamed them.

“I- I don't know, i'm just checking up on you.” Cal stuttered. He moved over to sit next to Trilla. “Is this okay?” he asked. 

She didn't respond, looking away to calm herself down. 

“Well, I'm glad you're away from Vader. Cere told me about him while you were asleep. What he did. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.”

“I hate him. He caused every kind of hurt.”

“I'm just glad you're okay now.” Cal smiled weakly at her. “I would uh, i would hate to lose yet another friend.”

“Friend?  _ Friend? _ I don't have friends, padawan. No one was there to help me. Do you understand that?”

“I- I only meant I’m glad you're safe because I would like to be your friend!” He said, taken aback. “It's okay if you don't, i just want to be there for you when you need me, is all!”

“You have  _ enough  _ friends, do you not? Cere is there for you like she never was for me, and  _ your  _ master fought for you like mine never did!” She shouted at him, rising to her feet.

Cal stood up slowly, trying to calm the situation. “I won't know how you feel but I can definitely understand where you're coming from, okay? I just want to start over with you, that's all. I know we had our moments in the past and I just want to move past it now that you're part of the crew!”

Trilla called to the Force and pushed him back in her anger. “Well I will never be part of your crew!” She shouted. “I  _ long  _ to get you and your friends out of my sight, got it?”

“ _ TRILLA! _ ” Cere shouted at her from the Mantis, which caused her padawan to wince. “Please, take a break." She said, quickly changing her tone. "Would you like to go to your room?”

Trilla puffed out in anger, gave one last hateful look towards Cal, and stomped towards the ship, purposely running into Ceres shoulder. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "" It wasn’t a dream, exactly. More like. . . a memory. 
> 
> It was the day that a few Jedi Knights would have the choice of a youngling to train, and many younglings were chosen almost instantly, like it wasn’t a big deal to their new Masters. To Trilla, this would be the biggest moment of her life, and seeing the more obedient, “less of a hassle” younglings get so easily picked hurt her deeply. She was nearly one of the last to be picked due to her arrogance and fierce attitudes, but Master Yoda consoled everyone who met her that this was normal behavior for any youngling, and under proper training she would surely grow to be a “proper” Jedi Knight. What’s the matter with having a little bit of an attitude? That’s just who I am. Trilla thought to herself. She felt that no Jedi would want to choose her due to this, but surely she would be chosen, right? Or am I just to incompetent to be a padawan? ""

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried to make this as long as possible- also I probably wrote this one too fast shjsjsj, anyways pls enjoy lovelies!

They hadn’t left Trilla alone for hours, like she hoped. Or at least, she _thought_ that she had hoped, but for the first time in awhile, she was around people who showed that they cared for her, even though she hated them.

Cal limped in, a steaming bowl of vegetables and roots in his hands. He hadn’t limped earlier, and Trilla instantly felt bad for her actions, thinking that she had messed up whatever wound he had gotten. He didn’t appear frightened of her though, like every other padawan she had chased down.

“Here,” He smiled slightly, handing the bowl to her.

“Thanks.” Trilla said, taking the bowl and utensil out of the redheads hands. 

“Can I maybe sit down?” 

Trilla nodded after a moment, and the boy sat quietly next to her. They sat in silence for a minute, growing _just a bit_ more comfortable with the other. So comfortable in fact, that Trilla began to wonder about him.

“I’m sorry about your wound.” She mumbled, looking away. “I didn’t mean to cause more harm to it.”

“I- hey,” Cal said, quietly shocked. “It’s perfectly okay. You were just angry is all, and that’s perfectly normal. I would be angry about that too.”

“Are you ever angry?” She asked suddenly. “Why are you so forgiving? I’ve done many things, things that even you don’t know about. So why are you treating me like this?” She asked, internally cursing herself at her vulnerability.

Cal chuckled quietly, a clattering of dishes in a sink in the background echoing through the ship’s hull. “Yeah, I- I’m angry about a lot of things, but I believe that people can go through a lot of hurt, and that's the only thing that makes us different from everyone else.” He turned to Trilla, a small smile resting on his lips. “Our experiences make us who we _are_ , and how we interact with each other is how we learn from them.”

“O-Oh.” She stammered, quickly looking away and folding her hands together in her lap. _Change the subject, Second Sister!_ “Well, I’m still sorry about your wound. How did you get it?”

“Oh- well, once you got knocked out during our fight, Cere and I took you back towards the front of the Fortress, but then- _he_ found us, and we had to fight our way out.”

“How did you survive?”

He said the next few words slowly, making sure Trilla wouldn’t react too harshly. “Cere, after I was stabbed by Vader, she used the dark side on him, and we were able to stall him for a time. Then we were able to get out, Merrin helped us out of the water, and here we are now.”

 **_Cere_ ** _used the dark side? And made it out to be like_ **_I_ ** _was in the wrong? That_ **_I_ ** _wasn’t worth saving? And_ **_how_ ** _did she get knocked out during their fight?_ Her mind flashed back to her memory of the torture room, both to being made an inquisitor, and to the blade of a flaming lightsaber strike up her back.

Trilla tensed up, her anger seeping through her veins. “ _You_ have hurt me.”

Cal definitely knew exactly what she was talking about. “Trilla, I had to. Cere and I wouldn’t have survived.”

“It’s _always_ about survival.” She scowled bitterly.

“Well, _yeah,_ isn’t it? He would have gotten to you too, if we hadn’t helped you, Trilla.” Cal stated. “He was coming straight towards us, towards _you._ We had to leave.”

Oh. _Oh._ Trilla swallowed hard, her eyes tearing up. 

“We wouldn’t have left you behind. Cere wants to change things with you. Did you know that? She wants to be a better person.”

“Yeah, I know.” Trilla sniffed. “What uh, what are you angry about?” 

“Well... I’m mad that the Order is destroyed.” Cal laughed dryly. “And, you know, Order 66. How I was treated at the scrapyards. At least Prauf was there for me, he helped me as soon as I landed in the Bracca plains.”

“I’m sorry.”

Cal kept silent, his fists clenching onto the hem of his poncho. “Take care, Trilla. I hope you feel better after you eat.” And just like that, he left her in her room, alone with her thoughts.

Trilla wondered about Cal, and wondered about all the things she had done. She began to realize that she _had_ brought pain to others, and not just the physical kind. _That doesn’t mean I have to forgive Cere._ She realized. **_She_ ** _brought a different kind of pain to me, why should I forgive her?_

She set her bowl on the ground, not wanting to walk out and give the remains of her unfinished meal away, seeing the others. Trilla couldn’t stomach any of it. Instead, she laid down and rested, trying to stave off her emotions.

* * *

It wasn’t a dream, exactly. More like. . . a memory. 

It was the day that a few Jedi Knights would have the choice of a youngling to train, and many younglings were chosen almost instantly, like it wasn’t a big deal to their new Masters. To Trilla, this would be the biggest moment of her life, and seeing the more obedient, “less of a hassle” younglings get so easily picked hurt her deeply. She was nearly one of the last to be picked due to her arrogance and fierce attitudes, but Master Yoda consoled everyone who met her that this was normal behavior for any youngling, and under proper training she would surely grow to be a “proper” Jedi Knight. _What’s the matter with having a little bit of an attitude? That’s just who I am._ Trilla thought to herself. She felt that no Jedi would want to choose her due to this, but _surely_ she would be chosen, right? _Or am I just to incompetent to be a padawan?_

Nonetheless, Trilla kept reminding herself that because they are in the middle of the war, they would have to allow her to be a padawan anyways, especially if every single force user would be needed in this fight. If her master did not like her as well as she hoped, then she would do all that she could to prove that she was worthy to be a padawan, and that she was ready to do whatever she could for the Jedi Order.

Much time had passed, and Trilla still stood in the middle of the room, her legs growing stiff and sore from standing still for so long. She longed to move about and show her skills, but she forced herself to not even move a muscle, to have a straight back, so that any Masters would deem her fit enough to be a padawan at first glance.

Eventually, a dark skinned woman with long braids walked quickly inside, talking to one of Trilla’s former teachers. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late to this- really, I am! Master Cordova and I were caught up with an issue in the Outer Rim.” She said worriedly. “I hope that I might still be able to choose my padawan, even after my incompetence?”

“Of course, Cere Junda. This last youngling was meant to be yours, it seems.”

Cere smiled brightly and walked stoically towards the youngling, Trilla staring up at her wide-eyed and in awe.

“The Force works in mysterious ways, youngling.” Cere told her, knowingly. “It seems we were supposed to meet, just like this. I am Master Junda. What is your name?”

Trilla woke up slowly, blinking hard. She didn’t care if the Force was trying to manipulate her emotions, she was still going to get off of this ship as fast as she can, with her lightsaber, and with her mind intact, because she didn’t think she could handle this pressure of being around her master any longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrin held out her hands, and Trilla put her own in hers. “Trilla, all of us who have been on this ship, we have been a part of something terrible. I believe that all of us are upset over something, and we just don’t want to show it because we think it’s too painful for others. For those of us who live on the Mantis, we want to help each other learn from their grief and to support them, even at their worst. Okay?” She smiled weakly, looking into Trilla’s eyes to make sure she was paying attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little growth and delving into characters!! enjoy and thanks for reading lovelies! <3

Growing more accustomed to her present situation, Trilla forced herself to walk out into the main part of the ship, while everyone was awake and eating breakfast, her unfinished meal last night fished out of her quarters, unawares. 

"Trilla! Hey." Cal smiled at her, giving the Second Sister a slight wave. 

"Grab some seat kid, let me get you some food." The lateron said, rising from his seat. "I'm Greez, by the way. Ha! Funny that I haven't introduced myself to you yet."

Trilla nervously kept her eyes on the ground, mumbling a quick "Thank you." and stood there quietly as Greez walked into the kitchen. 

"Well, come over here!" Merrin said cheerfully, waving her over. "You can sit next to me."

Trilla shuffled over and warily looked over at Cere, but told herself to relax. After all, her back was beginning to grow even better each day, and it won't be long until she could leave. 

"Would you like to go and explore the surrounding area with Cere and I, after breakfast?" Cal asked her.

_ Is he dumb? Does he really think that I'm  _ **_that_ ** _ okay with being around her now?  _

"No, thank you." Trilla said stiffly, eyeing Cere. She had no change in expression, and continued eating her meal as if everything was normal. Trilla hated it. She also hated that she instantly thought of her dream the night before. 

"Well,  _ alright _ !" Greez said, carrying multiple plates of fruit, bread, and a certain type of porridge that she hadn't seen before on his four arms. She wasn't sure if she could eat it all.

"You don't look like you're eating enough, so I thought that I should give you a lot!" Greez grinned, giving her a pat on the shoulder. 

Trilla flinched away, but weakly smiled back, albeit was slightly forced. She  _ was _ thankful. At least he tried to care for her. Taking a bite of the porridge, blue in color, she saw that it was both sweet and tangy, and enjoyed it. 

"Are you going to go outside with Cal and Cere? It's a pretty day outside, even for me- and I'm not one for nature." Greez said, sitting with them and shooing BD away from the table.

"She said no already." Cere said.

"Oh. Well, why not?"

Trilla tensed up, and Cal looked like he was about to say something in her defense, but Merrin beat him to it.

"Because she and I are going to spend some time together!"

Trilla paused mid-bite, looking over at the Dathomirian. "We are?"

"But of course!" She smiled sweetly. 

Greez frowned at them. "Hmm, okay then. I think I'll do some check ups on my ship." He pointed a finger at Trilla. "Which is my  _ baby _ by the way. Don't mess with it!" And just like that, he stood and strode over to the cockpit.

"Well, okay then." Cere said calmly, rising from her seat. "Are you ready to go, Cal?"

Shoveling the last few bites of porridge in his mouth, Cal swallowed hard and grinned brightly. "Ready as I'll ever be! Ready, BD?"

The tiny droid scampered up to Cal with an excited trill, and leapt onto his back, and the two ran out the door, Cal grinning like an idiot. 

"Why are they like that together?" Trilla asked Merrin quietly. 

"Cal and his droid?"

Trilla nodded.

"I think they just needed a constant friend, someone to be around all the time, and they do that best sticking by each other's sides at all times." She explained, giving her a comfortable smile. 

Trilla wished she could have a friend that would stay by her no matter what, but Cere stood right in front of her, showing the complete opposite of that.

"What will you two be doing while we're gone?"

Merrin didn't answer, so Trilla knew that the question was directed at her, and her alone.

"I don't know yet." Trilla mumbled, looking away.

Cere sighed, resting her hands on her hips- but not as if she was angry with her, just. . . tired.

"You know that you can talk to me, and be around me, right?" She asked softly, looking down at her padawan 

". . . Yes." Trilla said quietly.

Cere stood there for a moment more, slowly shook her head in her own bewilderment and followed Cal and BD-1 outside. 

Merrin said something to Trilla, but she couldn't hear her correctly. 

"What?" Trilla asked, shaking herself out of her daze.

"I asked if you were okay?" She asked, her brow furrowing in worry.

"Okay?" Trilla pronounced slowly, working the syllables out. "I think so." 

And then she opened up, if only a little bit. "It's just. . . I thought Cere and I would fight together forever, and protect those younglings together. But now she pretends as if nothing else happened and that I just need to accept all that has happened to me and move on, you know?"

Merrin nodded. "I understand this, and I'm sorry that you have to be around her, after all that you've been through." 

Under normal circumstances, Trilla would've told her that she doesn't want her pity, but now. . . "Thank you for saying that." Her voice cracked. She turned away and took deep breaths, trying to keep her emotions under control. 

"You know what could possibly make you feel better?" Merrin asked her.

"What?" Trilla sniffed.

"When I had to be around other people again- this helped me -I freshened myself up a bit, and talked to other people who wanted to make sure I was alright. People who helped me. Cal and I, we want to make sure you're comfortable here too, and-" She was getting quietly excited, a spark lighting up in her eyes as she smiled kindly at Trilla. "While I was out getting supplies, I saw some clothes that I think would look good on you, and I was wondering if you would like to try them? I think a hot bath would make you feel better too."

Trilla nodded after giving it some thought. "Yeah, that does sound nice. Thank you."

"Great!" Merrin smiled, standing up. "Oh, and you don't have to eat all that if you don't want to. Greez just wants you to eat something, is all." 

“Huh, okay then.” Trilla said, slowly standing alongside her new friend.

Merrin guided her down the hall into one of the back rooms, talking. “We’ve been meaning to get better scents for our baths, but as of late we just don’t have the time to get anything else besides food, really. Your clothes were the only exception!” She pulled a set of clothes out of a box and held them out to her, showing them off. “Do you like them?”

Trilla eyed the bundle of clothes and imagined what they would look like on her. A navy blue, long sleeved button-up rested aesthetically on top a pair of dark, warm gray leggings that would have fit her perfectly. A bronze colored belt was laid on top to accent the clothes.

“Sorry if you don’t like it very much- I tried to look for a belt with a clip for a lightsaber, like Cal’s, but I couldn’t really get one without looking suspicious.”

Trilla held the cloth in her hands. “Oh no, I like it a lot!” She said, in awe that Merrin even considered the Second Sister carrying a lightsaber once more. “I’ll just. . . have to find a way to add the clip.” She looked at the nightsister and smiled. “Thank you, for this.”

“Um, yeah!” Merrin said shyly, clasping her hands together and looking down, her hips swaying together. “Uh, here. Let me get that bath ready for you.” 

Trilla followed her into the refresher and watched how she had turned on the water, making sure that she would be able to do it on her own the next time she would need it. She also noted that Merrin had put something in the water to make it look more soapy.

“What’s that in the water?” Trilla asked, curious.

“Hm?” Merrin said, turning towards her then looking at the bottle she was holding. “Oh! It’s bubble bath.” She grinned and held it out to Trilla so that she could see. “Cal told me that he had used it a lot when he had lived with his friend Prauf, and I thought that we could use some.”

“Oh.” Trilla said, dumbfounded. “How is Cal, by the way?”

“What do you mean?”

“I- well,” Trilla sighed, disbelieving the fact that she actually cares. “Last night, when he and I were talking, he seemed upset. Is he okay?”

Merrin held out her hands, and Trilla put her own in hers. “Trilla, all of us who have been on this ship, we have been a part of something terrible. I believe that all of us are upset over something, and we just don’t want to show it because we think it’s too painful for others. For those of us who live on the Mantis, we want to help each other learn from their grief and to support them, even at their worst. Okay?” She smiled weakly, looking into Trilla’s eyes to make sure she was paying attention.

“Oh. Okay.” Trilla nodded. “Thank you, Merrin.”

Merrin gave her a short nod and walked towards the door. “You can talk to me about anything, okay? I’ll be in my room if you need me.” And she was gone.

Trilla felt changed by Merrin, but after noticing this she forced her attention to the steaming bath before her, and enjoyed the heat and soft foam that soothed her sore skin, her back relaxing for the first time in days. As she cleansed herself, she thought of Cal, and wondered what he was like when he lived with Prauf, before she had killed his friend. Had she been the main cause for his ailments, just as Cere was the main cause of hers?  _ Am I, Trilla Suduri, his biggest tormentor? _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trilla smiled, truly smiled, for the first time in ages. Since before the younglings were taken away from her. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I think I would like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bc we love and support trilla and her growth that we won't be able to see in canon 😔💞💕💞💕

Trilla walked into Merrins room, and saw that she held a white crystal in her hands and she was murmuring over it, her eyes closed. 

She cleared her throat, gaining Merrins attention. "Uh, what's that?" Trilla asked, pointing at the object. 

"It's something one of the Mothers gave me." She said, turning towards Trilla. "This crystal, it helps me channel my ichor and magick."

Trilla moved over to the bed and sat down, the mattress creaking underneath her weight. "I've heard of the Nightsisters and their magick before, but I have never seen it for myself. How did you learn it?"

Merrin set the crystal down on a table, and moved over to sit next to her friend. "I was taught how to do it, when I was young. The Mothers teach it generation by generation, and um- well, looks like I'm the last one to pass it on. It just looks like there's no one for me to pass it on to." She looked at her hands clasped in her lap, her legs closed tight.

"I'm sorry," Trilla said quietly, trying to look into Merrins eyes. "I didn't know."

"It's okay!" Merrin smiled brightly, although her eyes shone in a different light. She tried to change the subject. "How was your bath? I think your new clothes fit you well."

Trilla looked down at her outfit. "Oh! I  _ do _ feel better, now, thank you. I didn't know how badly I needed that."

"I can braid your hair for you!" Merrin grinned, raising up her hands to show her. "Only if you want, though."

Trilla smiled,  _ truly  _ smiled, for the first time in ages. Since before the younglings were taken away from her. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I think I would like that."

"Okay, just turn around real quick. Yeah, just like that!"

Trilla had eagerly gotten her full self on the bed now, crossing her legs and straightening her back all the way. She was just happy that she was finally starting to get some peace within herself.

Merrin carefully parted Trillas hair into three, cautiously tugging the strands into a weaving pattern. She didn't want to pull too hard where she could hurt her friend, but Trilla didn't seem to mind. In fact, Trilla just enjoyed the calming, physical contact. It was the hands of a friend. 

Merrin began to hum a song that sounded very foreign and strange to Trilla, but it felt homey, and filled her with a nostalgia for something she didn't have. She was so filled with ease and comfort she didn't notice heavy footsteps coming their way until it was too late. 

"Merrin, you would not  _ believe  _ what BD-1 just-" Cal started, eager to tell his story. He stopped in his tracks, staring at the two relaxing with each other, and noted Trillas' new behavior and her renewed energy.

"Oh." He said.

"H-hey," Trilla said, startled at his sudden entrance. She had only just remembered what she had thought about him while she was in the bath.

"Hello, Cal." Merrin said calmly, tying off the end to the braid. "There you go, I'm finished."

Trilla turned, and smiled gratefully. "Thank you, I mean it."

"Of course!" Merrin patted her lightly on the arm, and stood up. "What was it that your droid did?"

"Oh! He scampered off while Cere and I were training together, somehow got an ogdo bogdo to chase him, and once I had gotten that taken care of he jumped into a ginormous pool of mud. Do any of you guys want to help me clean him?" He grinned, and looked over his shoulder to look for BD-1.

"BD!" Cal shouted down the hall. "You better not be on any furniture!" 

A pattering of footsteps was heard, and the tiny droid came to a full stop at his friends feet, Cal nudging a foot against the droids head. He was full of mud, and looked like he didn't have any paint on him at all anymore. 

"See? Just like that." He grinned up at them and clapped his hands together. "So, who wants to help me?"

Trilla answered with a smile. "I can help!"

"Really? Thanks, Trilla. It'll be really messy though!" He beckoned her over. "C'mon, let's go get some towels."

Trilla followed him down the hall, and he walked into the storage room, which was smaller than she thought it was. 

“You can stay right here,” Cal told her. “I’ll just grab them real quick. Do you wanna go get the bath started for BD-1?”

Trilla nodded.

“Alright, BD you’ve got to follow Trilla.” He told his friend, bending over to the little droid and pointing towards Trilla. The droid blipped and hopped over to her. With a laugh, Trilla led the droid down the hallway and into the refresher, where she started the bath. Setting BD-1 on the countertop, she considered putting bubble bath in.

Cal walked in with a sigh, setting the towels down. Then, he smiled brightly at Trilla. Her face flushed for some reason.

“Um- uh, do you think it would be okay to use bubble bath on BD? Or would it mess up their circuits?” She asked shyly, turning her gaze to the small droid looking at the two of them instead of looking at Cal.

“Uh, yeah! I think the bubbles are okay. If you want to use them you can.” 

Nodding, she bent over to pour the liquid in, but not realizing just how light the bottle was she overpoured, and now there was little left inside.

“No, not that much!” Cal sighed, exasperated.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Trilla said hurriedly, shutting in on herself. She quickly set the bottle down on the counter, next to BD-1.

“No, it’s okay. It’s not that big of a deal, and I shouldn’t have made it a big deal.” He said, frowning, looking into her eyes to make sure that she understood. “I’m sorry.”

Trilla nodded. “It’s alright.”

“Uh,” Cal stuttered. “Here, let me get BD in there. Is the water warm enough?”

“Yeah, hold on.” She bent over to check, and stood up. “Yes, it’s warm enough.”

"Alright." Cal grunted, grabbing hold of the droid, who beeped loudly at him. "Alright, let's let you in buddy." As soon as he bent over to sey BD-1 in the bath, he groaned in pain, clutching his chest. 

"Cal!" Trilla said in worry, rushing to his side. "Oh my gosh, are you okay? What's the matter?"

Cal gritted his teeth, slowly standing up, stretching his body out. "Nothing, nothing." He quickly lets out. "I'll be okay, if anything." 

"You sure?" Trilla raised an eyebrow at him.

"Of course I'm sure. C'mon, let's get him taken care of." Grabbing a towel, Cal rested on his knees with a dull thud, like it hurt him to move. Trilla brushed it off, and they worked in silence while BD whined in complaint to whoever would listen. 

Only the sounds of splashing, soapy water in the air, Trilla considered something.

“Cal?” She let out slowly. 

“Uh, yeah?” He frowned, turning to his friend.

"I'm- I'm so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. The pain i have caused you and your friends."

Cal stopped his movements, and gave her a look she couldn't read. With a sigh, he turned back to his work. Trilla was hurt, but knew that there was reason behind him. 

"There is much wrong that I have caused, things I can not fix, and things i have done that I can not even fathom now. All I can do is change what I do now, and hope that you will forgive me." She bowed her head, in her guilt. 

"Trilla. . ." Cal frowned, his brow furrowing. 

She understood, and kept her mouth shut. They worked on in their silence, and Cal eventually pulled his droid out of the tub and they dried him off. Trying to be as fast as possible and missing a few crooks and crannys on BD-1, Trilla was stopped by a hand gently grabbing her forearm.

"Hey, Trilla?" Cal said quietly.

She kept her head down, BD-1 looking at her with a quiet hum.

"Trilla, look at me."

And so she looked, and saw that Cal understood her as well.

"Trilla, I hope you know, deep down, that I can't forgive you for killing Prauf." He said slowly, trying the best way to tell her this. She sniffled, unable to look away because of how close he was to her, BD the only thing separating them. "I'm just unable to do that. But what I really need you to know, is that I am so,  _ so  _ happy that you are here with me. Where you can be safe from any harm that came to you on Nur. In the fortress." Cal smiled sadly. "And yeah, I wish I could change a few things too. You're not alone. Not anymore."

He let her go, and moved back. Trilla didn't even notice he finished drying off BD-1 while she collected her thoughts.

"What- what do you wish that you could fix?" She stuttered out, looking up at him. 

Cal laughed dryly. "Well for starters, I wished I would have been better for my master when everything happened. I wish I could've been able to help him as he helped me, so that we would have both survived." He leaned closer to her. "But Trilla, that pain became a part of me, just like how your pain became a part of you. Being here, it helped me understand myself. I hope it can be the same for you. 

Tears shone in Trillas eyes when she said, "Thank you. For all of this. For taking me in and making sure I'm safe and okay with myself- thank you, Cal."

He chuckled lightly, a small smile resting on his face. "Yeah. Like your new outfit by the way, it's a nice look."

Trilla smiled. "Thanks, again." 

Late that night, in bed with only her memories to accompany her, she didn't feel so lonely anymore. The next day, she decided, she was going to talk to Cere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just re-edited this bc i accidentally kept my notes in 😳 oops so sorry if y'all read that


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""BD followed them outside and greeted the boglings. The boglings reminded Trilla of her meditation through the darkside, and she was wondering if she should try again, considering that she felt that she had gone astray from the darkside of the force. Her thoughts were interrupted by Greez, who was stretching an arm upwards to reach the cover of the fuel tank. It looked like he was struggling.""

Trilla woke early the next day, nervous to talk to Cere and ready to do so, but only saw that Greez was awake.

“Do you ever sleep?” She asked the lateron drowsily as she walked in to the main hull.

“I think you sleep too much.” Greez replied shortly with a grunt. He had a large thermos of caf in his hand and appeared exhausted. 

Trillas brows furrowed. “So, not enough sleep?” She sat down at the table next to him.

He shook his head harshly, shaking himself out of his daze. “Sorry- I’m sorry kid I shouldn’t act like that. I’ve just been pretty upset that we don’t have that much fuel left for the ship- not even that many spare gallons left in the storage room for us.” He rambled to her. “I’m just worried about it, you know? I really just want us to be able to buy a bunch of gallons and go to some quiet planet where no one can find us.”

“Greez, I’m pretty sure Bogano is that planet.” She reminded him.

“Not if the empire was able to find it easily.”

“That’s true.” Trilla nodded, biting her tongue. “Hey, where is Cere at?”

Greez looked up at her, shocked. “You wanna talk to her now?”

Trilla shrugged. 

With a slight, quiet chuckle he said, “She’s probably still asleep, kid.”

“Oh.”

He nudged her arm with one of his own. “Tell you what kid, you can help me out since everyone else is asleep, huh? What do you say?”

“Ha, alright I guess.” 

“You  _ guess _ ?” Greez laughed. “C’mon kid. Let me grab some gallons and then we can go outside real quick. You wanna help me with breakfast too?”

“Sure.” She said, putting her hands in her pockets.

“Just sure, huh?” He smiled up at her. “Give me a moment, I’ll be right back.”

While Trilla waited, BD-1 walked up to her from the hallway, a quiet boop emitting from him as he looked up at her.

“Hey, BD.” She greeted the droid. “How are you doing this morning?”

He trilled shyly, shifting a leg side to side.

“Ha, glad to hear that.”

BD bobbed his head happily at her, and then went to greet Greez as soon as he walked in. Greez carried a massive, white container that was just about as big as he was. 

“Get the door for me, will ya?” He grunted from behind the white mass.

As soon as Trilla rushed over to the door and opened it, she said with a slight laugh, “I now understand why you would need my help with filling the fuel container.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved her off with a free hand.

BD followed them outside and greeted the boglings. The boglings reminded Trilla of her meditation through the darkside, and she was wondering if she should try again, considering that she felt that she had gone astray from the darkside of the force. Her thoughts were interrupted by Greez, who was stretching an arm upwards to reach the cover of the fuel tank. It looked like he was struggling.

“Here, let me help you with that.” Trilla walked over, easily opening the door.

“Thanks,” Greez grunted. “Mind helping me pour this in?”

Trilla chuckled as she took the container from his hands and began to tilt it into the fuel tank. “How do you usually do this?”

Greez hesitated, his hands on his hips before he said: “Promise not to laugh, okay?”

Trilla’s mouth twitched but she nodded anyways, keeping her composure under control.

“Okay.” Greez started, looking shyly away. “I, uh, I usually have to get a stool to allow me to get access.”

Trilla didn’t laugh, but she  _ did  _ smile, and this annoyed Greez. “Hey! I said don’t laugh!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Trilla said, setting the container down and closing the door to the tank. “Not laughing though.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t tell anyone though.” He pointed a finger sternly at her.

She raised her hands up in defense. “Not a word.”

Greez chuckled lightly. “Yeah, okay kid. Come on, let’s get breakfast ready.”

As soon as they walked in, they saw Cal pouring himself a cup of caf. He looked over at them and smiled brightly. “So  _ that’s  _ where you were BD!” 

The droid blipped up at him and wiggled, excited to see his friend. Cal patted him on the head and looked up at Trilla. “Do you want some caf?”

“Sure. Do you want to help us out with breakfast?”

“Alright.” He smiled at her.

Greez looked between the two of them with a small sigh. “Hey now, I get to ask who can be in my kitchen!”

Cal laughed, winking at Trilla. “So? Do you  _ want  _ me to be in your kitchen?”

Greez raised a pair of hands defensively, the others crossed around his chest. “I  _ guess.  _ C’mon kid, you haven’t cooked before and I wasn’t planning on it being today.”

“Oh, so Trilla gets to cook before I do?” He pouted playfully at the lateron.

“No, no, that’s not what I’m saying.” Greez said grumpily, a hint of a smile resting on his lips. “I guess you both can cook- but do as I  _ say.  _ You hear me?”

The two nodded, understanding, and Greez led them into the kitchen. 

He showed them what they would be making that morning, and declared, “ _ I’ll  _ be the one who is cooking everything on the stove. I don’t trust either of you!”

“Greez, that’s not going to let us do anything. We’ll literally just be watching you cook the whole time!” Trilla said, crossing her arms.

“And that’s the way I like it!’ He said, putting meat strips into the already sizzling pan. “My kitchen, my rules.”

Trilla teasingly elbowed Cal, and silently bobs her head towards Greez when he isn’t looking. He looks confused at first, but then understands exactly what she is trying to say.

“Well Greez,” Cal starts out. “You wouldn’t care if we stirred something, would you? It would be hard to mess that up.”

Greez thinks about it for a minute, pouts, and with a sigh he says, “I mean I  _ guess.  _ Just don’t stir too fast. Let me just put this oatmeal into the pot so that you guys can get started, okay? And take  _ turns.  _ If one of you messes up somehow you’re both to blame!”

Cal nudges Trilla with a smile. “You wanna go first?”

She shakes her head. “Go ahead, I don’t want to be the one who messes everything up.”

“I really don’t think you’ll mess it up. Are you sure?”

Trilla laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Once Greez was ready for them, Cal looked towards her one last time. “Go!” 

With a corner of his mouth perking up, Cal turned towards the stove and stirred slowly, making sure everything that was in the pot was moving. The only problem was that it started to get thick very fast, and Trilla had to help him stir, both of their hands trying to move the spoon.

“Cal, oh my gosh what did you  _ do _ ? Did it burn?!” She asked him frantically, making sure Greez wasn’t watching them over their shoulders.

“ _ No,  _ it didn’t burn!” He told her in a panicked voice. “It just. . . did that! Is it supposed to be like that?”

They tried their best to fix it, but to their disappointment Greez found them shoulder to shoulder, barely moving the spoon through the blue paste.

“How in the  _ world  _ did you manage to mess that up! You were supposed to stir!” He said, yanking the pot out of their grip.

“I  _ did _ !” Cal told him.

“You didn’t try to stir faster?” When Greez was met by his silence he grumbled, "You should've tried to move faster. No problem, just get out so that I can serve you guys breakfast."

As they walked out, Cal called behind his shoulder, "Sorry Greez, it won't happen again."

"You're right! It won't. Because you're not allowed to cook here anymore!"

Trilla couldn't help but laugh at Cals face once they sat down. "You can't cook!" She told him in a sing-song voice. 

"Psh, yeah right. I just can't stir is all." 

"That's cooking." She grinned at him. 

He smiled back at her with a laugh.

"What are you two laughing at?" Merrin asked with a yawn.

Cal hesitated, so Trilla answered for him. "He can't cook." She jabbed a thumb towards the redhead, trying to keep a straight face.

"Is that so?" The nightsister smiled as she sat down with them. 

"Yeah, but I can't stir. That's the only thing that I can't do." Cal said pointedly. 

Trilla muttered into her drink. "That you know of." It earned her an elbow in the ribs.

"Stirring  _ is _ cooking." Merrin pointed out. 

"Whatever, whatever." Cal said jokingly, waving his hands at them with a smile.

"Trilla, Merrin. Help me get these dishes out of here." Greez called to them.

"What, I can't even walk in there?" Cal asked.

"No!"

With a laugh, Trilla teasingly nudged Cal as she got up, earning a smile from him as he looked up at her. BD-1 hopped up in Cal's lap, hoping to get his attention.

Once Merrin had gotten some plates, she held a few in the air using her magic just to bop Greez on the head. "Cal's been bothering you this morning?" She grinned down at him. 

Greez's brow furrowed, but he smiled at her anyways. "The kid's a bother, but he's good. If you see him in the kitchen, kick him out!" 

"I will, don't you worry." Merrin agreed, gathering the plates back in her arms.

As Trilla walked out of the kitchen, Greez behind her, the lateron reminded her as well. 

"Yeah, I got it. He won't get in there."

Setting the plates down on the table, Cal looked up at Merrin. "You guys are still talking about me?"

"Only a little." She said, handing him a plate. 

Once Trilla set her own plates of food down, Greez and the others beginning to eat, Cere walked in. Trilla swallowed her pride and her anxieties and forced herself to walk towards her. Unfortunately, it looked like Cere didn't want to talk too much, as she was walking towards the door.

"Hey, Cere?" Trilla cleared her throat. 

Her former master stopped in her tracks, and looked towards Trilla. "Yes?" She responded hesitantly.

"Um. Well, I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?" Trilla noticed that the others were unbearably silent at the table, even BD.

"Trilla, I would  _ love  _ to talk. I just need a minute outside. Is that okay?"

Trilla nodded quickly, turning her gaze away. "Yeah, yeah. That's alright." 

Cere nodded in turn and walked outside, leaving Trilla to slowly turn back towards the table to sit down. 

Merrin looked at her, understanding. "Hey, you okay?"

Trilla smiled, albeit was slightly forced in her disappointment. "Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

No one responded, which unsettled Trilla, but she chose to pay it no mind. 

Nothing much happened during their meal, only the usual small talk, and thoughts on where they should go next for supplies. Greez wanted to get more oil and fuel for the Mantis because they were really low on it now. 

"Hasn't it been too little time for that?" Merrin asked, her brow furrowing.

"Well, yeah." Greez shrugged. "But if something were to happen on Bogano and we had very little fuel, we wouldn't be able to go far, and then the empire would be caught up with us if they knew who we were. It's better to be safe than sorry."

Cal put a hand on Merrins shoulder. "I'm sure you'll do great, Merrin. No one else knows who you are, and I know the empire won't chase us down because of you." 

Merrin nodded, thinking. "Okay. Yeah, I'll do it." 

"Great!" Greez grinned, clapping his hands together. "Let me get everything set up. Can you guys handle the dishes? Not you though, Cal." He teased. 

"I'm actually going to talk to Cere real quick. Is that okay?" Trilla asked.

"Of  _ course  _ kid. Go on out there."

Trilla opened the door hatch and walked down the ramp. Cere appeared to be meditating, so Trilla kept quiet for her and stood next to her while she waited. It wasn't long though. 

"Yes, Trilla?" She asked her padawan, keeping her eyes shut.

Trilla cleared her throat, and noticed her hands were beginning to clam up. "I- I just wanted to say thank you. For taking me in and making sure I'm okay."

Her eyes opened in response, and she slowly looked up at Trilla. "Of course, Trilla."

"But Cere, you know I'm not going to forgive you for what you did, right?" Trilla said quietly, staring towards the horizon. 

"I know. And I am so, so sorry." Cere whispered hoarsely, shutting her eyes.

"I know that too." Trilla nodded. "Thank you, for trying to make a change. I hope that things will be different between us now."

Cere stood up, looking into her padawans eyes. "It won't be easy."

"I know. Nothing ever is."

They looked at each other for a moment, thinking of their past and all that they had been through. Trilla knew, deep down, that she did miss her master. She never believed that she would be here, on their ship.

"Does this mean that you'll be staying with us?" Cere asked, smiling slightly.

"Maybe so." Trilla said. 

Greez called for them to come inside, and Cere beckoned for Trilla to step on first. Trilla noticed that her master seemed more at ease, and she felt that she was more at ease with herself, as well. She didn't really feel like meditating at that moment. 

"Are we going somewhere?" Cere asked, stepping inside and closing the hatch.

"Bakura." Greez said from the cockpit, turning on controls. "We need some fuel and oil. Maybe we can get some parts for the ship while we're at it. It's a quiet place, on the Outer Rim. It'll be good enough for us." 

"Greez, we need more time. Can't it wait?" Cere crossed her arms, sitting behind Cal in the cockpit. Trilla stood next to Merrin, looking in. 

Cal answered for him. "Greez says it's better to get fuel now before we're too low."

"That's right." Greez pointed a finger in the air. "Everyone sit down, we're about to go into hyperspace." 

Trilla and Merrin moved to the couch, and BD jumped into Merrins lap to be secure.

"How are we low already?" Cere frowned.

"Well, we've been moving around a lot, trying to make sure that the empire isn't on our tails." Greez pointed out. 

"I hope you're not forgetting about the Haxion Brood too, Greez." Cal said as they jumped into hyperspace.

Greez sighed, throwing his hands up. "When will you ever give that up!"

Trilla had met the Haxion Brood before. She didn't like them. Very uncooperative, once they got a Jedi in their hands.  _ That's in the past, Trilla.  _ "You met the Haxion Brood?" She asked them. 

"What's the Haxion Brood?" Merrin wondered.

Cere laughed. "A group of so called friends that Greez has had trouble with. Bounty hunters, Merrin."

"Oh."

"There's no way." Trilla laughed.  _ Bounty hunters on their trail? Really? _

" _ Yes  _ way," Cal nodded solemnly. "and they captured BD-1 and I on Zeffo, once." 

"Really?" Trilla asked the droid sitting in the nightsisters lap. He trilled in response.

"Then they shall fear us the next time we meet." Merrin said in finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing Greez for this chapter!! I had this chapter be a slow roll, easygoing one. This one would've been longer than it is, but only bc of what happens next chapter. This *is* the longest chapter as of yet at 2.5k, so go me!!! hopefully ch 7 comes out by the end of this week :) 
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""She pulled on her clothes and walked out towards the cockpit, noticing that even Cere was in her room. Maybe she was just tired, after all. Trilla tried not to worry about however she thought Cere felt about her, so she quietly sat down next to Greez. He looked like he was about to doze off.""

They had landed in Bakura while it was night there, and the trip there had taken so long they decided to retire to their rooms to get some rest while each of them would stay up to keep watch with Greez. 

Trilla was the the last to be with Greez, having been woken up by Merrin. Cere seemed to still not want to wake her up, but Trilla thought that was okay. She didn't want to rush into things either- especially after five years of hurt and heartbreak. Merrin let her be while she yawned and went to her room to get some proper rest before she had to leave.

Stretching her body out, she noticed her wound for the first time in awhile. It was aching again, the first it has since her bath.  _ At least it's not the worst thing ever, anymore.  _ She thought.  _ It might scar, still. At least I'm here, away from Nur. _

She pulled on her clothes and walked out towards the cockpit, noticing that even Cere was in her room.  _ Maybe she was just tired, after all.  _ Trilla tried not to worry about however she thought Cere felt about her, so she quietly sat down next to Greez. He looked like he was about to doze off. 

"Hey, wake up." She said, poking one of his arms. 

"Huh? What?" He said, startled.

Trilla tried not to laugh as she leaned back in the co-pilots chair. "Are you supposed to be sleeping on the job?" 

The lateron only responded with a breathy chuckle as he rubbed his eyes, and he leaned back in his chair too. 

"Hey, maybe you should just go and get some sleep. I can watch for a bit and come get you when we land." She suggested.

Greez gave her a look. "Kid, I don't think you can even  _ steer _ my ship. Also-  _ my  _ ship. I'm not letting you touch her! Besides, the last time I allowed someone to land the ship while I slept was with the Haxion Brood, so no, I'm not too keen on someone else doing that, thanks."

"Can you tell me that story?" Trilla asked, interested.

"If you get me some caf."

Trilla bolted up out of her seat, curious as to what Greez's past was. She rushed to get the caf heated up, gave BD-1 a pat on the head when he said hello to her from the couch, and quickly pouring it into mugs she hurried back to Greez.

"Ha. Well, that was fast." He said tiredly.

"I want to hear the story." Trilla explained with a wave of her hand, giving him a mug. 

Greez took an unnecessarily long sip from his mug, making Trilla slightly agitated. He probably did it on purpose, as a joke. 

He slowly set down his mug, adjusted where he set it down, and shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable- except he never stopped moving. He was definitely teasing her now. 

"Greez!" She whined with a laugh.

The lateron laughed as well, with a quiet sorry as he finally got himself situated. "Ready?" He asked her.

"Ready." She nodded.

"Okay," He started, waving his arms for emphasis. "It's not really a  _ story,  _ just a thing that had happened. It was when I was using a ship that I had had before. Well, one that I  _ won.  _ I gambled a lot, back then. These guys, this Haxion Brood, I didn't know exactly who they were, I just knew that I had a bad vibe with them. Mainly because of how everyone around me practically worshipped these men." 

Greez sat up in his seat, showing Trilla how exasperated he is about how the bounty hunters got whatever they wanted. "Now I was an absolute  _ idiot  _ back then, okay? Don't judge me when I say this, but they offered a good amount of credits if I would take them to some planet- I don't remember the name- it's not important- anyways, I took them on my ship.

"Let me  _ tell you,  _ this thing was a beauty, and it got me a ton of attention, so of  _ course  _ some trouble would come with it." He took a break, taking a sip of his caf.

"How'd you win it?" Trilla asked him. 

"A very intense game of Sabaac." He waved his hand. "Hm, that's some good caf." He took another long sip, wiping his face. 

"Okay, okay. So I'm getting all of this attention, right? I was young then, just taken off from my home world, and it was a rookie mistake. Shoot, even after I hear these bounty hunters talk together  _ very  _ suspiciously in one corner of the ship, I push aside my worries after a woman comes up to me, nicely asking if she can watch the ship because I look tired. 

"I am a  _ very _ attractive lateron, and so I thought:  _ huh, maybe this woman just has a thing for laterons _ ? So I do as she asks and then I go get some sleep. When I wake up, there's a mandalorian standing over me, a blaster to my face, saying the ship was theirs!" Greez crossed his arms, his brow furrowed.

"Well," Trilla grinned. "How'd you get out?"

"I had to pay  _ ten thousand credits _ just to get them to let me go, and once I was free I had to give the rest of my earnings to get this ship!" He pointed a finger at her. "And let me tell you, this baby was in pretty bad shape once I got my hands on it. Total  _ downgrade _ ! But then I met Cere, and she and I sort of helped each other out of a bad spot, you know." 

Trilla smiled. "That was a good story." And it  _ was.  _ "I figured the Mantis was passed down to you from your grandparents!"

Greez raised an eyebrow at her. "It's not  _ that  _ bad looking." He scolded. "Why do you think we're probably going to get some parts here, anyway?"

"To probably boost the hyper speed? It's taken awhile for us to get here." She frowned. "How much longer?"

He squinted at the screen by the controls, caf in hand. "Huh. Not long, actually." He turned to Trilla. "Mind going to wake Merrin up real quick? We need to go in and out."

"Yeah, sure." She stood up and walked down the hall, but stopped once she heard voices on the other side of Merrins door.

"I really admire Trilla." Merrin said.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" someone asked her. It was Cal, Trilla realized.  _ What could they be saying about me? _ She got closer to the door.

"Well. . . on Dathomir, before the nightsisters. . . well, we honored and respected those who were braver than the rest, those who showed a certain type of strength. The nightbrothers did this as well, but. . ."  _ Is this some type of pity party? For  _ **_me_ ** _?  _ Trilla mentally kicked herself.  _ Shut up, Trilla, don't think bad thoughts, don't think bad thoughts.  _

Cere walked out of her room, not noticing that Trilla was standing with her in the hallway. She walked towards Greez, who told her that they would land in a few. Trilla turned her attention back towards the door.

"The nightbrothers also believed the more people you killed, the more respected you would be. It's part of our culture." Merrin continued. 

_ Oh I don't like where this is going.  _ Trilla thought nervously. 

"What do you mean?" Cal asked her.

"All I'm saying is that Trilla would be highly respected by both nightsisters and brothers. That's pretty rare, and she would make a good leader for my people, if only she was a nightsister." She finished. 

Trilla shut in on herself, she was thinking so much.  _ Oh.  _ **_Oh._ ** _ She's not wrong, but is that all I am to her? Just a murderer? Maybe she's just uneducated- yeah, that's it. She's only been on one planet for her whole life, secluded from the rest of the galaxy, and she just doesn't understand that not all people kill to gain respect. People kill for others to fear the- no, that's not it, that's a lie, Trilla. Get it out of your head, get it out, get it- _

She barely noticed that Cal was trying to get Merrin to understand that it's different in other places, something she would have done if she wasn't so  _ hurt _ by it. Trillas face grew hot in her humiliation, and she didn't know she was crying until it's too late. A sob wrenched out of her, echoing into the hull of the ship. All grew quiet.  **_Why_ ** _ am I so  _ **_bothered_ ** _ by it?  _ She screamed at herself.  _ I thought we were  _ **_friends._ ** _ I  _ **_trusted_ ** _ Merrin. Why this? Maybe she truly didn't mean it like that, but I- I don't- I- _

The Mantis jumped out of hyperspace, and Greez began to steer the ship into Bakura's atmosphere. The pattering of large droplets of rain that suddenly sounded around the ship did not calm Trilla down. She felt trapped, and she reacted. She quickly walked over to Cere, her footsteps heavy, tears streaking down her face just like how the rain streaked down the cockpit.

"I want my lightsaber." Trilla forced out through gritted teeth, her voice bitter and cold. "Where is it?"

Cere looked over her shoulder at Greez, who quickly eyed her back, and turned towards the steer again. "I. . ." Cere said slowly. "I have it right here." She shifted her clothes, so that Trilla could see the weapon resting on the belt clip. 

She grew angry.  _ Why the hell was it still on her? Why does she need it? Why is she showing it  _ **_off_ ** _?!  _ "Give it! I want it  _ now. _ " Trilla spat, her eyes growing wild in her hurt.

Cere let go of the hem of her shirt, the cloth covering the lightsaber once more. "I don't think you're prepared to use it yet." She said calmly, trying to get Trilla to understand. She didn't want to understand. 

"You said you would give it to me when I was ready!" Trilla screamed at Cere. "When my back was healed!" She stretched out a hand towards her. "I'm asking you to  _ give it _ !" She called to the Force, and harshly pulled the blade out of Ceres grasp, Ceres body yanked forward just an inch from the sheer strength of the action. 

Cere looked betrayed, like she thought her padawan would actually want to be around her.  _ Good.  _ Trilla thought. She heard a door open behind her, and knew Merrin and Cal were walking in to see the show. Greez had finally landed the ship, and he was watching Trilla too, trying to understand her.

"Trilla  _ please _ . You are not ready." Cere said quietly, her hands stretching out towards her.

Trilla, eyes bloodshot and tears streaming, let out all her anger on her former master. The woman who deserved it the most. "I am  _ never  _ enough for you." She looked around the room, at all the faces staring at her hurt. "For  _ any  _ of you! I can't handle this anymore! I thought I could, but I  _ can't.  _ I am  _ done _ !" She slammed a fist against the lock to the door, opening it so that she could run out into the cold rain. 

Running away, free at last. She didn't even look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHEW I can't believe I wrote this so fast, so that it could be published in one day!! I was just so excited for y'all to see what happens next :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something in the back of her mind told her that the Empire would welcome her return, but Trilla felt that she had no place there any longer. She didn't feel like the Second Sister anymore, but instead she felt that she was someone completely different.

The rain poured down on Trilla Suduri, who sat with her head against an alleyway's wall, thinking. She had already heard whispers among the Bakurans of a major trade deal for repulsorlift coils that was going to happen with the Empire, and she chose to lay low and hide, after her eventful escape from the Mantis. A few hours have passed since then, and she had talked to multiple people since. She quickly learned that the Bakurans did not like droids, due to something that had happened there a few years back. No one questioned who she was, after she said she was just passing through, but the eminent threat of the Empire frightened her. She only wanted to figure out the best way to get off this  _ blasted  _ planet. 

Something in the back of her mind told her that the Empire would welcome her return, but Trilla felt that she had no place there any longer. She didn't feel like the Second Sister anymore, but instead she felt that she was someone completely different. 

_ I'm not Trilla Suduri,  _ She thought.  _ Or I'm at least not the Trilla I had used to be, before the war.  _ She swallowed, moving closer to the worn, moldy brick wall to escape the droplets of rain.  _ I'm not who I was before the torture, so who am I now? So much has happened since then, and I've lost touch of. . . things.  _

The  _ things  _ happened to be the darkside of the Force. Trilla didn't feel particularly lightside either, and wondered where her place was in the Force.

_ Maybe I need to come up with a different name. _ She thought brokenly. _ Change that part of my identity as well. _

She began to tear up, curling into a ball against the stone wall.  _ Why did I do this? I didn't need to do this now. What am I doing here? How will I leave? I don't even have a single credit on me. . . _

Trilla heard a soft trill echoing through the dark alleyway, and heard a scampering of feet come towards her.  _ Could it be- no, it's not safe!  _ She thought worriedly. 

She straightened up and peered through the rain, and saw BD-1s soft light illuminating the walls.

"BD." She hissed at him. "You're not supposed to be here! Go back to your friends."

The droid sidled up next to her with an inquiring boop. She ignored him with a huff. Another pair of footsteps came down the alleyway, and Trilla shut her eyes tight, sending already who it was.

"His  _ friend  _ is right here, and so is yours." Cal said quietly, crouching in front of her, face to face. "What's going on?"

She couldn't help but sob once she looked at him, and one of his hands hesitantly reached up to her face to wipe away a tear. Trilla didn't move. She didn't know what to do.

"Get back, padawan!" She retorted, remembering how she acted before she lived on the Mantis. Trilla hoped it would make him get away from her. She shuffled away from him, Cal moving back as well respectively. It didn't work well enough. 

He sat next to her, but not too close. Trilla tried her best to ignore his presence.  _ How did I end up here? _

"I'm. . . not a padawan anymore, actually." He said with a sigh.

"What do you mean? How?" She frowned, her brow furrowing. "Your order is  _ dead. _ "

" _ Our  _ order, Trilla." He reminded her. "Before we went to get the holocron- before  _ you  _ fully entered our lives, Cere wanted to knight me, so she did. We thought we would fail, honestly. Once we got the holocron, and once we got you, I realised that I'll be a Jedi Knight for a longer time than I thought."

"What happened to the holocron?" Trilla asked quietly, her hands folding in her lap. BD leaned heavily against her for her comfort, beeping softly up at her face. She looked down at him.

"I destroyed it, actually." He laughed nervously. 

" _ Destroyed _ it?" Her mouth gaped open. "Why would you do that?"

Cal shrugged at her. "I had been, uh,  _ thinking  _ about a lot of things. A lot was on my mind, then. I had a vision of those  _ children _ , those  _ padawans  _ dying because of the Empire finding them. I didn't want the same pain that happened to us, happen to them."

"So all that, for nothing?" Trilla frowned at him, confused. "Don't you regret it?"

"I don't know, actually." Cal said, rubbing his neck. "Sometimes I wish I could train a force sensitive, but I just want them to be safe in the end. It's for the better, I think." His brow furrowed thoughtfully as he looked up at her, arms wrapped around his legs. 

"We decided we had other things to care for, Trilla. Those kids, they could get killed because of us teaching them the ways of the Force. Trilla, you're one of those things that we care for. That  _ I  _ care for."

Trilla smiled softly at him, tears still dripping from her eyes.

He opened his arms out to her, smiling sadly. "Hey, it's okay, alright? A lot of things happened, and a lot of things  _ will  _ happen, but I've got your back in this. In everything. Merrin didn't mean what she said, and she wants to apologize for hurting you. She just didn't know exactly what she was saying, but she knows she was wrong to say it now."

Trilla hesitated, then scooted over to Cal so that she could put her head on his chest. When his arms wrapped around her, she finally began to relax. 

"I know." She sighed tiredly. "I just don't know why I reacted so poorly to it."

"You were hurt by it, and I think it was a reasonable response." He smiled down at her. "I would've done the same. Trilla, everyone on the Mantis has been through some type of pain, and we're all learning from it. We're welcome to forgiveness and we know what regret feels like. It's going to be okay, you're safe there, with us. Always."

What he said reminded her of what Merrin had told her when she was first getting used to the Mantis crew, and she decided she'd hear Merrins apology. She nodded slowly. "Okay, I think I'll try."

They sat for a few moments in the rain, BD-1 humming quietly to himself. 

"You're cold." Cal commented, sitting up and stripping off his poncho and handing it to her. He had a dark red, thick sweater underneath it. "Here, take this."

"Cal, you'll get cold too if you give me that." 

He shrugged with a half smile. "I've been colder." He stood up and pulled her to her feet once she pulled the poncho over her head, BD hopping onto his shoulder.

"The people here, they don't like droids." Trilla warned, eyeing BD. "Did anyone see you here?"

"None yet." He said. "Or none that I know of. We should probably hurry back, huh?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, probably." The poncho was warm against her skin, and it's smell comforted her. She followed him out into the empty street, smiling when BD beeped happily back at her from Cals shoulder. "Hey, the Empire is making a major trade deal here, so we really do need to be careful."

He turned towards her, an eyebrow perked up with a small smile. "How're you so good at picking up information?"

Trilla shrugged. "I learned how to survive."

"Hm." He walked slower so that Trilla could catch up with him, and then they walked at the same pace. Cal half-heartedly pointed off road, towards the plains next to the town. "We should probably stay off the streets, even if no one is out." He explained as he led them both into the sweeping grass. 

The rain was starting to die down as they walked, and even the poncho began to grow wet with the foggy, moisture filled air. It was a much longer walk than Trilla remembered, but then again she  _ was  _ lost in her thoughts and running at the time. Trilla would probably get a fever and a runny nose with how cold she has been the last few hours, and she couldn't figure out how Cal could handle the cold. All in all, she was just happy that he was there for her. 

She had begun to grow very exhausted from the walking  _ and  _ her mental ordeal, and soon enough she began to fall behind. 

"Is everything okay?" Cal asked her as he came to a stop, the morning sun rising into the sky behind him. She saw the outline of the Mantis in the distance.

"Yeah, 'm just tired." Trilla mumbled drowsily, slowly blinking up at him.

Cal sighed heavily. "Okay, you might not like this but Cere wanted us to hurry back.

"Might not like what?" She frowned.

Cal quickly picked her up bridal style, and once she caught up to what was going on she gasped, shoving her hands against Cal in order to break free from his grasp. He had a tight hold.

"Told you you wouldn't like it!" He said, smiling at her. "We have to hurry though. Even if no one saw us, the Empire is still here. We'll have to find fuel somewhere else."

"We're already low as it is." Trilla frowned up at him. 

"I know."

"Well. . ." She sighed. "Are they mad at me?"

Cal shook his head. "Of course not. We already talked about this, remember?" He smiled down at her. "Everyone understands what you're going through, and where you're coming from. You're  _ safe _ ."

Trilla nodded slowly, and a few minutes later he had to set her down. They were finally at the Mantis, after all. 

Cere opened the hatch door, and hurriedly greeted them.

"I'm so glad you're safe!" She told them worriedly. Cere pulled them both into a tight squeeze. Trilla had tensed slightly, still unsure how to feel about her master, but Cals wink towards her helped her focus on something else. 

Finally letting go, Cere talked to Trilla directly. "Trilla, we don't mean to harm you. Everyone has made mistakes, but we learn from them and move on."

"I know. . ." Trilla said shyly. 

Cal nudged Cere. "C'mon, let's let her inside." 

Cere nodded, and the three of them walked into the warm ship. Trilla definitely didn't feel good after her adventure.

"You feeling alright kid?" Greez asked, walking up to her. 

"Can you get me some tea please?" She asked him, sitting down.

"Get her some soup, too." Cal told him. He turned towards Trilla. "Let me get you some clean clothes, and then we can get you a bath started."

She nodded at him thankfully and Cal walked towards the back end of the ship, Merrin walking shyly out. 

"Hey." Merrin mumbled shyly at Trilla, moving to sit down next to her.

"Hey." Trilla greeted back, sitting on her hands as she looked at the Zabrak.

Merrin frowned, grasping her hands together as she looked back at Trilla. "I'm so,  _ so  _ sorry Trilla." She whispered sadly to her. Her eyes looked watery. "I didn't mean any offense."

"I know." Trilla whispered back. 

"I spoke wrongly, and I should've understood where you were coming from more instead. It was wrong, and I just- I shouldn't have said it, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to be upset over anything. I only want to be your friend."

"It's alright. I forgive you." Trilla smiled at her sadly. 

Merrin smiled back with a sniffle. "That's not the only thing I would admire you for, either." She started. "You decided to make a change, choosing what you think is best for you?  _ I  _ admire that. Not many people can do that."

Trilla nudged her friend playfully. "Thanks for that. I admire you a lot too. Not many would choose to be my friend."

"The thing is, kid," Greez said, standing in front of them. "All of us here would choose to be your friend." He handed her the steaming tea with a warm smile, and walked back to the front of the ship.

_ Maybe I'll stay here for awhile. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter!!!! Now, we're moving into the caltrilla portion 👀💕💞💕💞


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let me get my things, and I'll go today, after noon." She stood up, clipping a blaster to her belt. "Keep watch, all of you. It's only a matter of time before an enemy catches up with us."

It had been a few days since Trilla had remained aboard the Mantis. She was refreshed, her clothes clean once more, but she had gotten a cold. Trilla had to fight it off on her own, without medicine. They didn't have medicine for someone who was sick, but only some bacta for wounds. The Mantis was nearly out of fuel now, but Cere said that they should wait a few days before walking into the nearby village again.

"No one saw us, though." Cal had reminded her as they all sat around the holo table, deciding what to do. 

"But villagers saw Trilla and talked to her." Cere pointed out. "The Empire could figure out that it's Trilla based off of descriptions, and we can't risk her going there so soon. If anything, Trilla can't go again."

"I can go." Merrin offered. 

"Thank you, but maybe I should go this time." Cere looked around at them all. "If the Empire gets even a hint of our trail, they'll notice that a Dathomiran is going to the same spots that we are each time. It's too risky." 

"Well, you have to go sometime soon." Greez sighed, crossing his arms. "If we need to escape here fast, we'll need enough fuel to be able to escape to a far away place."

"And if luck isn't with us," Trilla added solemnly. "We'll have to fight our way out. We need fuel for that, don't we?"

"Only if we're in space." Cere confirmed. "But you're right. Let me get my things, and I'll go today, after noon." She stood up, clipping a blaster to her belt. "Keep watch, all of you. It's only a matter of time before an enemy catches up with us."

"You can say that again." Greez grumbled to himself, upset that they had been so still on Bakura due to their low fuel. 

Now, Trilla and Merrin sat on Trillas bed, their renewed friendship growing even more as Merrin braided Trillas hair yet again, a different song emitting from her lips. 

Cal sat on the floor, adding some adjustments to BD while the droid chittered and trilled up at the Jedi, earning himself small remarks and quick, tiny smiles. 

Trilla enjoyed the quiet, comfortable company. It was far different on the Mantis compared to the Fortress Inquisitorius. She was glad to be there in the company of her new friends.

The gentle tugs on her hair, the humming and the quiet conversation on the floor comforted her, but it did not make her forget what she had thought about herself only a few nights before. Or rather, who exactly she was. It troubled Trilla that she thought of herself so differently. 

She sneezed, rubbing her nose. 

"Bless you." Merrin said, and resumed humming. She tied off the end of the braid, and sat back. 

"Thanks." Trilla showed Cal her braid. "Do you like it?"

"Looks good." Cal smiled fondly at her.

Trilla smiled back, and leaned against the wall of her bed.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to grab something real quick." Merrin said, striding out of the room.

Cal leaned onto his elbows, looking up at Trilla. BD-1 sidled up next to her. "How're you doing?" He asked Trilla. "Feeling any better?" 

Trilla nodded. "The soup is working, I'm just getting tired of drinking broth every meal."

Cal chuckled. "Yeah, I bet. At least Cere is getting you some medicine, as well though."

"Yeah, I'm pretty thankful about that. I sound so congested."

He smirked. "Don't worry, I'm sure your enemies will still be terrified of your voice."

Trilla laughed, and gave BD a pat on the head. He beeped cheerily at her.

"I'm back!" Merrin said happily, carrying a pad of paper in her hands and sitting on the bed next to Trilla, who looked curiously at the paper.

Merrin eyed both of the Force users, holding the papers close to her.

"I haven't told anyone this," She started hesitantly. "but ever since the first time I had to go and get supplies, I saw a young girl making pretty things on paper, and I thought- well, I thought that maybe I should try it out, too. It made me feel better about things, and helped me get used to this new. . . environment." 

Merrin looked towards Trilla shyly. "I thought it would be good for you too. To express yourself, I mean." 

She handed Trilla her drawings, and didn't mind when Cal stood up to look as well, over their shoulders. The drawings were simple things, such as a girl and her father at a market stall, a land creature that was being used as a steed for a trader, another of a kind old woman, holding beaded necklaces in her hands. Merrin had a talent. A  _ good  _ talent. 

"I've been drawing things that I see while I'm getting our supplies." Merrin explained to them, looking down at the floor with a shy smile. "It's been helping me understand other people, especially since I've been on Dathomir my whole life. . . alone." She cleared her throat. "Not that I'm saying you need to better understand people Trilla."

"No, no!" Trilla said, beaming at her friend. "These are  _ gorgeous _ , Merrin. 

"They really are." Cal smiled at the nightsister. BD beeped an encouragement at her as well. "Have you shown Cere and Greez these?"

Merrin shook her head. "I don't think I want to bother them with it. I am using their spare credits to get the tools for it, after all."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind, Merrin." Cal said. "Whatever makes you feel better and adapt, they could handle it."

"You can tell them on your own time." Trilla added, handing her back the drawings. 

Merrin smiled gratefully, and pulled out a clean sheet. "Here, take this. How about you try?"

"Heh, okay." Trilla laughed lightly with a cough. "Don't think I'll be any good though."

"How it feels to you is what matters, not what anyone else thinks." Merrin said kindly. "Would you like to try Cal?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

He sat at the foot of the bed, pencil in hand, sketching out a plant. Trilla marveled at how quickly he knew what to draw. So much was on her mind, that she had no clue what to do with the paper in front of her, no matter how much she tried. She hesitated, her pencil hovering over the sheet.

"It's okay to not know what to draw at first." Merrin said, nudging her friend playfully, a smile resting on her lips. "Great things take time."

"I don't think it's going to be great." Trilla frowned. 

"It'll be great because it will be your own." She held Trillas hand in her own, and Trilla wondered why she was so emotional over a slight physical contact with a friend. 

She opened her mouth to say something, but was caught off by a yell from the cockpit.

"Get over here!" Greez shouted at them. "And Cal, tell Cere that we've got company! She needs to get here fast!"

The three of them sharing a quick, worried look, they bolted up and out into the main hull, scrambling towards the front of the ship. Cal called for Ceres name into the comm link multiple times, but received no response. 

Just static. 

Multiple ships landed around them, circling the Mantis and its crew. Trilla inhaled sharply as she saw the ships, remembering seeing them a long time ago, when she was first an inquisitor.

"Why isn't Cere answering?" Cal frowned worriedly, staring at the comm link. BD beeped nervously at his feet, peering towards the cockpit.

"They must've jammed us!" Greez cursed, slamming his hands on the controls. 

Cal moved beside Trilla and Merrin, gripping his lightsaber. Trilla found that she was already gripping her own.

"I don't understand," Merrin said worriedly, shifting her weight between her toes. "If this isn't the Empire, who are they?"

Greez growled as he set up the ships cannons. "The Haxion Brood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my hand hurts real bad rn so let's see how many chapters I write this week ahaha 😬😬😬


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bind them, and take that droid away.” The groups leader called to his bounty hunters. BD was snatched off of Cals back, beeping furiously as he was held captive. The leader sneered at them, his gaze lingering on Trilla for far too long. “Where is the rest of your crew?”

“Shouldn’t you get the ships blasters set up?” Trilla hissed worriedly at Greez, the group wearily eyeing the crowd of bounty hunters around them.

“They’ll notice-  _ trust _ me. I’ve been around this group too long.” Greez mumbled under his breath, adding. “Can’t believe my past is actually catching up to me.”

“It’s okay- right?” Merrin frowned, looking between Greez and Cal. “You’ve dealt with them before! We know what to do, don’t we?”

Cal shook his head. “That was different. Cere and Greez were able to rescue me. Now, we’re surrounded and don’t even have fuel.”

  
“We can fight ourselves out.” Trilla nodded, the gears in her head turning as she worked out her plan. Working as an Inquisitor taught her lots of things, such as getting out of a tight situation almost as a scoundrel would. She looked up at the rest of the Mantis crew, growing more confident in herself.

“We can turn ourselves in!”

Greez scoffed while the others groaned in response. “Kid, what are you thinking?” The lateron shook his head.

“No, you don’t understand it yet.” She held up her hands. “Merrin, you can turn invisible, right? And teleport? They don't know that you exist, I’m sure. They’re probably just here for us Force users!” Trilla grinned, that old wildness in her eyes again. “Merrin, Greez, you can stay on the ship. If Cal and I distract them long enough, they won’t notice that Greez turned on the blasters until it’s too late.”

“It’s risky.” Cal said with a sigh. “But it’s something.”

Trilla nodded. “And Merrin, if they even think of searching the ship, you can hide Greez along with you, right?”

Merrin nodded her agreement.

“Oh,  _ great. _ ” Greez grumbled, turning to the front. Now, the Haxion Brood’s men were filing out of their ships. A large, burly man strode towards the Mantis, staff in hand. He appeared to be the leader of this raid, due to his no helmet and large, shiny silver armor, a massive blaster rifle strapped to his back.

Trilla furrowed her brow at the sight and turned towards the others. “We can do it.” She said. “ _ Trust  _ me.”

Three metallic bangs on the door resonated throughout the ship. “OPEN UP!” The man yelled, his voice gravelly.

“Go.” Cal whispered to them, tensing up and making for the door. BD jumped onto his back, casting a worried look towards his friends. “ _ Go.  _ Hide. You’ll know the right time to act.”

Merrin gave them a last, worried look and whispered a quick incantation as Trilla quickly followed Cal’s footsteps, gripping her lightsaber. She looked back towards the cockpit and saw that the nightsister and captain were out of sight.

“Relax.” Cal told her quietly, opening the door hatch. “Ease up on your lightsaber and don’t be obvious about it. The Force will be with us.”

“I’m not sure if I believe in the Force anymore.” Trilla muttered.

“Me neither.” He turned to her, a smirk on his face as the outside light hit his scarred face. “But I try to make the most of it.”

Blasters from a bounty hunter droid were aimed at their heads as they walked down the ramp, looking towards the large group. 

“Bind them, and take that droid away.” The groups leader called to his bounty hunters. BD was snatched off of Cals back, beeping furiously as he was held captive. The leader sneered at them, his gaze lingering on Trilla for far too long. “Where is the rest of your crew?”

“Out in the woods.” Trilla improvised calmly.

The man gripped their collars and forced them to their knees, a heavy scowl on his face. He had a long scar where a glass eye was on his tanned skin, his black, scraggly beard unbrushed. His skin was worn to months of dust and dirt, signs of long travel hidden in his wrinkles and stern gaze.

“Grab their lightsabers. Search the ship, and go look in the woods.” His men shuffled around, and two groups went into the woods to look for the "crew". The men seemed nervous as they walked towards Cal and Trilla, and once they took their weapons they hurried away.

Cal tried to hide his worry as he looked fiercely into the mans face. “Who are you?”

" _ She  _ knows me." The man grinned wickedly as he nodded towards Trilla.

Trilla straightened her posture, and looked into the man's eyes. "Kenth Antick." She sneered with a glare at the bounty hunter, trying to ignore Cals worried look. Trilla hoped that he wouldn't think any less of her after this. Any lesser than he thought of her now.

"Trilla. What's he talking about?"

_ I'm just playing Antick's game- right? I'm not going back to my old ways?  _

Trilla forced herself to focus on the moment, and expressed herself like how she had as the Second Sister- with utmost confidence and power, putting fear into her enemies hearts.  _ Can't let him think I'm weak, can I?  _

She forced her head up and looked at the bounty hunter, a smirk on her face. "An old friend, Cal." She spoke coolly. "I helped you capture young Jedi, Antick."

"Yeah? Now I've caught  _ you _ and your  _ friend. _ " He shoved the end of his staff underneath Cals chin, earning a glare from the redhead.

Trilla gulped, trying to keep calm.  _ How  _ **_dare_ ** _ he touch him.  _ "He's no friend of mine." She stated.

Kenth Antick ignored her. "You helped the Haxion Brood capture Jedi, yes. But before we could sell them, you would  _ use  _ them." He pulled the staff away and looked at her chillingly. "Isn't that right,  _ Second Sister _ ?"

She scowled up at him.

"You would use them, abuse them, and sell them to the Empire without giving us a  _ single  _ credit." Antick smirked. "Now, we've caught you. And we're going to use you. You're going to help us out, darling, and get us the coin we need."

Cal jerked against his restraints, hatred in his eyes. "No! She doesn't do that anymore!" 

Trilla screamed at him inwardly.  _ Won't he stop? He's ruining this! _

"Boss, no one else is on the ship." Called a droid.

Kenth ignored him, and stepped closer to Trilla. "Oh, the Second Sister!" He said cooly. "It's so good to see you again. You and your infamous padawan friend have been a thorn in my side for far too long." 

Trilla thought fast, unsure of what to do. She wasn't even sure if they could make it out safely. She felt weak.

"That's not who I am anymore." She finally spat at him.

"Hm? And why is that?" He kneeled down towards her slowly, gripping her face harshly with one hand, pinching her cheeks painfully together. "You gave up on us, didn't you? Oh what a pretty prize you'll be. A good price to the Empire."

"She didn't do anything!" Cal shouted at him. 

Trilla shut her eyes tight, and for the first time in years she searched through  _ all  _ of the Force, not just the pain that tormented her for so long. She saw all. She saw that Greez and Merrin were moving quietly to their seats in the cockpit, and that Cere was close by, unawares of their present situation with her supplies. She saw the men in the woods searching for nonexistent crew members. She felt the presence of her lightsaber in the hands of a foolish bounty hunter behind her, looking into the shaft of the blade.

She ignited it, killing the hunter, and called it to her.

Instantly, blaster fired over their heads, striking the leaders armor. He fell with a crash, and as Trilla cut hers and Cals bonds before the bounty hunters reacted she saw that Greez was in the cockpit, firing left and right. Merrin strode down the ramp, her ichor flowing around her, her brown eyes glowing a bright green luminescence. With a wave of her hand, an entire crew was swiped to the side. She grabbed Cals lightsaber and tossed it to him, the blue blade igniting in his hands.

"That could've gone better." Cal grumbled as BD leapt onto his back happily. 

"It's not over yet." Merrin remarked. "Is Cere almost here?" 

Trilla sensed her draw closer. "Yes, she's on her way. We need to hold them back until then. There's men in the woods, can you handle them?" 

"You got it." She said firmly. In a bright flash, she disappeared. 

Cal and Trilla were left to handle the stragglers, as Greez had dealt a fatal blow to most of them. Trilla didn't think he had it in him to kill so many men at once.

Trilla and Cal worked side by side, fighting as one. Among the gruesome screams, distant screams of terror were heard through the woods as bright flashes of light filled the darkening sky.

Cere must've noticed, because now she had dropped the supplies and ran among the bounty hunters, firing left and right as she wove around Trilla and Cal, who weaved about the fallen bodies, Greez's gunner still flying dangerously above their heads.

"Greez!" Cal shouted through the comm link. "They're retreating on the ships- we can't let them escape or they'll give our descriptions to the Empire!" 

"Wait!" Cere yelled. "There wasn't nearly enough fuel at the village, we could use these ships to our advantage!" 

Greez cursed in response. "What do I do then?"

Trilla glanced towards her crew. "I've got it. Keep the fight out here, and make sure no one follows me in."

"Trilla, no!" Cal and Cere shouted at her in response.

She ignored them as she bolted into the overflowing ship. It seemed like enough pilots had died in order for some bounty hunters to not be able to fly the others. Trilla used the element of surprise to her advantage as they all turned to gape and stare at her wildness. 

Trilla quickly sliced the most dangerous bounty droid on the ship, and gave a ferocious yell at the men while they scrambled away from her. She blocked the only exit. They were afraid.  _ Just like how those young padawans were. _

Trilla shook her head, clearing her mind. She forced herself into the fight, swinging her double bladed weapon into the fight, both crippling and slaughtering her newfound enemies. They dropped down, dead, one by one. The pilot was miraculously still alive, and was trying to get the ship to fly.

"Oh, no you don't." She hissed at him. Trilla grabbed his collar and heaved him outside through the hatch door, and landed on him with a devastating blow to the chest as he cried in alarm.  _ Now that's don-  _ **_OOF_ ** _! _

Trilla grunted in pain as she was flung to the side by the powerful, menacing Kenth Antick. Looks like he hadn't been killed by Greez after all.

"Trilla!" Cere cried, holding Cal in her arms. He looked badly injured. 

Glaring up at Kenth, she spat at him. " _ You. Hurt. My. Friend _ ."

"Oh, really?" He held his staff at the ready. "I thought you didn't have friends, Second Sister  _ dear _ ."

She growled in anger, and pushed herself onto her feet, lightsaber at the ready. With all her might, she lunged at the man, but he easily blocked her with only his staff. Out of all the times she had been around him, she never knew his staff could block her blade.

Trilla was so distracted by this, Kenth Antick easily pushed her down, grabbing the blaster rifle from his back. 

"If you're not the Second Sister anymore," Antick snarled down at her. "Then why is your lightsaber red still? You've told me once upon a time that a lightsaber is the reflection of a Force users soul." 

He aimed the blaster at her, and Trilla couldn't move as she second guessed herself, her  _ being. _ She looked over at Cere, who looked painfully back, unsure of what to do. Trilla understood that. 

"So why," Antick cocked the rifle, taking his time with it. "Has it not changed?"

Suddenly, a blast of bright green hurtled itself through his chest, and Kenth Antick flew backwards. Trilla got up with a gasp, unsure of what just happened. 

Merrin strode in front of her, glowering at the master bounty hunter. "Leave, at once." She said, her voice echoing ominously.

Kenth Antick stood his ground, and hissed a warning. "I will never forget this day, Trilla Suduri. You have done the Haxion Brood a great wrong, and it will never be forgotten. We will get what we need out of you." 

He turned sharply and headed towards his ship, what little of his men following him in. Finally, they left the atmosphere, and Trilla stood in the aftermath of a terrible battle. 

"Is everyone alright?" Greez asked, walking outside into the fire and flame of their destruction. 

Merrin kept quiet as she watched the spot where the ship had disappeared, and Trilla looked over at Cal. 

"How bad is he?" She asked Cere, trying to hide the panic in her voice. "What happened to him?"

"It's his wound. From Vader." Her former master replied. "That man knocked him aside, and he got hurt from it pretty bad. He should be alright, though." She stood up and looked at her padawan. "That was excellent fighting. Are you okay? What happened between you and that bounty hunter?" 

"Maybe I'll tell you about it later." She replied with a shrug. 

"We need to get out of here quickly. The Empire could be zeroing in on our location now, with the commotion we've caused." Cere said. "You can take Cal inside. I'll get the supplies back from where I dropped them, and Merrin and I will get the spare fuel from these abandoned ships." 

Trilla nodded as she lifted up the wounded Jedi in her arms. BD looked up at her worriedly from Cals side.

"It's okay," She told the droid. "I promise."

"Greez," Cere said to the lateron. "Thanks for your hard work. Would you mind helping us with fueling the ship? We need to go back to Bogano for a bit, I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ackkk I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long! it's been a v stressful week, but now I have the time to write! Hopefully I'll be able to get in a chapter of Found tomorrow :) This chapter was insanely fun to write! I hope you enjoyed it <3 thanks for reading lovelies!! please be safe with the coronavirus going around!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""She rested in a chair beside his bed, her legs crossed. The Jedi looked pale and worn out, a massive bacta patch covering his massive, bruised wound. The sketchbook was held in Trillas lap, and she bit her lip as she stared at it, pencil in hand. Her eyes flickered back and forth from the paper to the redhead, and she strummed the pencil against her leg.""

Hours had passed since the battle, and even once they were on Bogano Cal was still unconscious. 

Trilla still remained at his side while the others had retired to their rooms, taking a break from their most recent fight. 

To help her friend calm down, Merrin had handed Trilla a clean sketchbook so that she had something to do during her wait.

_ This is all my fault.  _ Trilla blamed herself.  _ I'm the one who led them here, and I'm the one who got Cal hurt. _

She rested in a chair beside his bed, her legs crossed. The Jedi looked pale and worn out, a massive bacta patch covering his massive, bruised wound. The sketchbook was held in Trillas lap, and she bit her lip as she stared at it, pencil in hand. Her eyes flickered back and forth from the paper to the redhead, and she strummed the pencil against her leg.

_ It'll be great because it will be your own,  _ Trilla remembered Merrin telling her only earlier that day. She bit her lip, and began sketching without thinking. The face of Keenor Forha, the youngling she had been protecting and the first youngling she had killed, slowly appeared on the paper. 

It was too late before she realized what she had been drawing, and halfway through the sketch she stared at it, dumbfounded.  _ Why did it have to be this? Why now? _

Trilla cursed at herself as she scribbled over the drawing. It was crude, like a child's. She ripped the page out of its binding and crumpled it up, tossing it into the waste bin. 

She took a deep, shuddering breath and shut her eyes.  _ Time to focus on something good, but what? What good in my life is there? _

Exhaling slowly, she opened her eyes and saw Cal resting peacefully on the bed. Even with all his bruises and scars, and his broken past, he made Trilla feel good enough. 

With a small sigh, Trilla began to sketch out the Jedi's features, removing the bruises from his face, one by one. She thought it looked rather good with what little skill she had, and it made her feel better. 

She didn't hear the shuffling of bed covers until she heard a soft exhale whisper out from the bed.

"They're green."

Trilla stared dumbfounded at the woken redhead, who was slowly blinking at her as he adjusted to his surroundings in the small room.

"W-what?" She stammered, blinking hard. "What are?"

"Your eyes." Cal smiled softly. "They're green."

"Oh."  _ Oh.  _ "Not the usual yellow, are they?" She laughed weakly. She shut the sketchbook with a snap, making sure he wouldn't see the drawing that she made.

"No, I don't think so." He smiled weakly as he looked up at her with the slightest shrug, making sure he wasn't hurting his wound. He winced nonetheless. "Or I might be going a bit crazy from the pain."

Trilla grimaced, and scooched her chair closer to him. "Is the bacta patch helping anything?" 

"Maybe a little." Cal replied. "Vader's blade. . . it took a greater toll on me than what I would have liked."

Trilla smiled weakly, her hands clasping in her lap. "He can be brutal when he wants to be. I'm sorry he got to you."

Cal held out a hand, reaching for hers. "It's not your fault." He whispered. "I'm sorry that I hurt your back during our last fight. That was unfair of me."

Trilla reached for his hand and held it, letting out a short teary laugh.  _ When was the last time someone touched me so kindly?  _ She thought. "It's okay, I probably would have done the same if I had gotten to you then."

"Yeah, you probably would've." He laughed lightly, his blue eyes lighting up. "What would you do now?"

Trilla bit her tongue, unsure of how he would react.  _ Fight by your side. Make sure that you were constantly safe and okay, out of harm's way. _

"I don't know." She said instead. "I just don't know yet."

"Hm." He grunted, looking up at the ceiling of the ship and closing his eyes.

"I don't- I don't think I would want the Haxion Brood to get to you, though." She added, looking away in her shame. 

"That's not your fault  _ either _ ." He whispered hoarsely, giving her hand a squeeze. "They were already tracking me down, along with Greez. They just got excited that you were there too, and wanted to make a big show of it." 

Trilla bit her lip, and Cal saw that she was inflicted. 

"Hey." He raised his head up with a grimace, making sure she was paying attention. "It's not your fault."

Tears shone in her eyes as she looked back at him. "Put your head back down." She said with a small smile, trying not to choke up. 

Once his head was back on the cushion, he added: "You aren't weak either, Trilla. I sensed how you felt when Antick captured us. You don't have to be the Second Sister to be strong."

She bit her tongue as she looked down at him, unsure of what to make of the Jedi. "Thank you." Trilla finally said. "Get some rest."

She stood up slowly and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Trilla was about to head into her own room when she saw the light in Ceres room shone underneath the door. She took a deep breath and knocked. 

"Come in." Her master said quietly.

Trilla opened the door and both master and padawan paused as they set eyes on each other.

"Uh- hey," Trilla stammered as she shut the door behind her.

"Hey Trilla." Cere said from her bed. "Come, sit down with me."

Trilla shuffled over to her and sat on the foot of the bed, looking at the woman. "Can't sleep?"

She shook her head. "No. Not after that." Her brow furrowed as she frowned. "What  _ was _ that back there?"

Trilla bit her lip and looked away to hide her shame. "When I was an inquisitor. . ." she started. "When I was  _ first  _ an inquisitor, I agreed to help the Haxion Brood hunt down and kill padawans. It was when I was first beginning to do it, and I used the Brood to help me do it. I wanted to please Vader and the Emperor, and that was the only way I could do it."

She looked at Cere, who thankfully didn't seem at unease as her padawan told her story.

"I sort of. . . cheated them. I cheated that groups leader, Kenth Antick. I also worked with him the most. They would find a padawan or youngling and depending on whatever would happen next. . . I would either kill them, or bring them in to break them, just as I was broken." She looked at the floor, her hands clasped in her lap as she became nauseous over the past.

"I'm sorry that happened." Cere whispered softly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Trilla muttered.

Cere shook her head. "No, I'm sorry that I did that to you. My choices took away your own choices, and that was unfair. I should have never done that. I should have protected you instead."

Trilla looked up at her master and saw that there were tears in her eyes. Trilla was still bitter about the past, nonetheless. 

"I'm sorry." Cere whispered hoarsely, reaching out to grab Trillas arm. 

She let her masters calloused hands touch her this time.

"Thank you." Trilla whispered back, quickly returning her gaze to the floor. "Anyways, Antick and his crews were upset that I didn't even offer them a single credit in return, so we split ways. I just didn't think that they would come for me in the end."

"Mistakes happen, Trilla." Cere said, gently letting go of her padawan. "Sometimes we can't run from them."

"I know." Trilla laughed dryly. "I'm the living embodiment of that, aren't I?"

"Oh no, Trilla." Cere shook her head sternly. "Remember when we first met? When I became your master? I told you that the Force wanted us two to meet. We were meant to be together, at each other's sides." She bit her lip. "I'm just sorry that I was the one who caused us to be apart."

Trilla turned her head slightly towards her master. "I'm sure we can get through this, Cere. I've been. . . struggling with the Force ever since I've returned in your life, but I think this was meant to be as well."

"Maybe it's part of life's greatest adventure." Cere suggested with a weak smile.

"Yeah, maybe so." Trilla sighed.

Her master leaned forward, a gentle look in her eyes. "How about you go and get some rest. Don't worry about telling the others what happened with you and the Brood, I'll tell them myself. I'm sure it's a hard thing to repeat over and over again."

"Thanks, Cere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! ok now that ive finally adjusted to the virus crisis ive decided im gonna spend my quarantine writing 1k words a day so here I am!! expect multiple chapters in one week? I've also got some requests for one chapter fics on my tumblr, @seooshi! I had immense fun writing these tender moments w trilla and I can't wait til I write the next chapter! I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just wanted to say thank you." Cere said quietly, eyeing Cal as he continued down the ramp into the grass. "For looking out for him. It means a lot. More to him, not me."

"How is that cough medicine treating you?" Cere asked from the table as soon as Trilla walked in. 

It had been two days since their big talk, and Cal was slowly returning to normal- if you called his wound never fully healing normal. 

"I've been feeling much better, thank you." Trilla replied, sitting across from her master. Greez handed her a cup of caf and sat with them. 

"And your temperature has remained normal?" 

"Yes." Trilla smiled into her mug. 

"Well that's good!" Greez grinned, leaning back into his seat.

Merrin led Cal gently down the hall, making sure she wasn't moving too fast for his shuffling feet.

"Good morning kids!" Greez called to them. "Taking it easy Cal?"

"Getting there." He groaned softly, sitting heavily in the seat next to Trilla. Merrin sat down with them.

"Good." Cere smiled warmly. "I still haven't got anything important from the comms yet, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be wary. Antick could have easily notified the Empire of our presence on Bogano, and we need to be listening constantly. Greez, are you sure there wasn't a tracker put on the ship?"

"I'm sure. Double checked and everything. Nobody even got close to  _ this _ baby while I was shooting!" He pointed at himself proudly.

Cere smiled weakly. "I would appreciate it if you'd check it again."

"Sure."

"I will come too." Merrin said. "Perhaps my magick could be of use in helping us search the tight spots?"

"That would be helpful, thank you."

"Can I do anything to help?" Cal asked, leaning his elbows on the table eagerly.

"No, you need rest."

"I'm tired of  _ rest  _ Cere!" He pouted. "I want to help. In any way I can."

"But you're weak! You haven't fought anyone since Vader and you could barely fight Antick."

"Antick is pretty strong." Trilla mumbled.

Cere heard her and turned towards Trilla. "But he isn't as powerful as  _ him _ . Now his wound has damaged Cal in many ways, and we don't know a cure for it yet."

Cal frowned, his brow furrowing. "Just let me do something." He whispered. " _ Please _ ."

"How about you just go for a walk, kid." Greez suggested quietly. "Get some exercise. Get the blood flowing. Merrin and I will be out there anyways."

The redhead huffed in his disappointment. "Alright."

Trilla nudged him gently with an elbow. "I'll walk with you. It could be fun!"

Merrin touched him on the arm gently as she stood up, Greez following behind her towards the door with a weak smile at the disappointed Jedi. The two disappeared in the bright sunlight of Bogano.

Cere turned towards her padawans. "I'm sorry, Cal. You just need to take care of yourself before something else comes towards us. I'm sure it'll happen at some point."

"I know." Cal sighed as he stood up. 

"Do you not want to eat anything before we go?" Trilla asked him as she stood up as well.

"No, I'm not hungry." 

"Oh. Okay."

Cal walked out first, Trilla following close behind. Before she could step outside, Cere gently latched onto her padawans arm.

"Uh, yeah?" Trilla stammered, not used to the physical contact.

"I just wanted to say thank you." Cere said quietly, eyeing Cal as he continued down the ramp into the grass. "For looking out for him. It means a lot. More to him, not me."

"Oh." Trilla mumbled, turning her gaze away. "Yeah. You're welcome."

Cere let Trillas arm slip through her fingers and smiled at her knowingly. Trilla ignored the smile as she hesitated at the top of the ramp, and turned towards the kitchen.

"Hold on- let me grab something real quick." 

She returned with two meiloorun fruits in her hands, and stopped in her tracks when she saw Cere was still watching her. "If he gets hungry." She explained shortly.

Trilla quickly turned away from her master and jogged down the ramp towards Cal, who stood watching the boglings.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming or not." He said quietly.

"I was getting you this." Trilla answered shyly, showing him the fruit. 

Cals eyes lit up as he smiled gratefully at her. "Thank you." He said as he took one. "I just wanted to get out of there, you know. I wanted to do something else besides laying in bed all day."

"I know you did." She said, watching him take a bite as they walked slowly away from the Mantis, Trilla trying to keep the same slow speed as Cals. "You are feeling better though, right?"

"Much better." He agreed.

They heard a trill echo from one of the bogling tunnels, and they laughed as they saw BD-1's antennae sticking out from the ground. 

"What are you doing down there beedee?" Cal chuckled, gripping his side with a wince.

"Here, let me get him out." Trilla smiled. She reached down and pulled him out, flecks of dirt sticking to his metal frame. BD beeped cheerfully at the pair as he was set down, and scampered up the redheads back.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going bud!" Cal scolded the droid with a smile. "If you didn't say anything we probably wouldn't have noticed that you were missing." 

BD-1 beeped out his sadness at the thought, making Trilla smile.

"Come on Cal, he obviously didn't mean to." She said, grinning at the pair.

"I'm only teasing you buddy. I'm glad you're okay." Cal added, reaching over to give a pat to the droids head.

"But- you are feeling okay now?" Trilla asked again.

"Yeah- why?" Cal frowned suspiciously.

Trilla quickly turned her head away. "Just worried, is all." She said curtly.

Cal remained quiet as he stared at her in the morning sun. Trilla could sense something  _ different  _ in him from what he usually felt around her, but she didn't have the chance to really look into it when he started talking again.

"Hey, Trilla?" He said quietly.

She turned back to him slowly, unsure of what to make of the Jedi at the moment. "Yeah? What is it Cal?"

He stared at her quietly for a moment more, chewing on his tongue as he gathered his thoughts. He shoved his hands in his pockets and set his gaze on the horizon with a quiet sigh before he spoke again.

"What you did on Bracca. . ." He started slowly. Just the mention of Bracca made both Cal and Trilla feel sick. "What you did  _ there _ \- you were different back then."

He set his gaze on her, hoping that she would understand him. "Now please don't take it the wrong way when I say this, Trilla. I know that I've said in the past that I'm happy you're here- which I am- but I'm also happy that everything that has happened while you've been here has helped you for the better. I- you've changed." Cal smiled warmly at her. "In lots of ways. In  _ good  _ ways."

Trillas hands clammed up at Cals sudden confession. "B-but you said you would never forgive me for- for. . ." She stammered. 

_ For killing Prauf. _

"I know I did." Cal said quietly. He moved closer to her. "What I guess I'm trying to say is. . . I don't think I'll ever forgive the Second Sister for that, not you." Cal gently put both of his hands on her shoulders, looking deeply into her green eyes.

"Kenth Antick- Cal, while you were knocked out, Kenth Antick nearly-"  _ Killed me? don't ask for pity Trilla.  _ "He asked me why my saber was still red, if I've changed my ways. If I'm not the Second Sister anymore. Do you really want to trust me?"

Cal nodded solemnly, giving her shoulders a squeeze. "I  _ know _ I do. You mean a lot to me."

Trillas heart fluttered.  _ Whatever this feeling is,  _ she told herself sternly.  _ Ignore it. He didn't mean it however you want it to be meant anyways. Probably. _

"Trilla, your saber doesn't define who you are. Look at Cere. She's using your old one, and it still hasn't changed yet."

"But she's conflicted between the dark and light." She said uncertainly.

"Same as you, right?" He asked, smiling lightly.

"No. . . I mean- I don't know." Trilla shrugged shyly. Cal was so close to her that she couldn't even look away from his bright blue eyes. "I don't know how to feel about a lot of. . .  _ things _ ."

Cal sighed, letting her go. "I promise it'll change eventually Trilla. It just doesn't have to be now."

Her brow furrowed. "But what if-"

"It stays red?" Cal finished for her. "Doesn't matter. I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because we have to get where we're going next 😎💞💕💞💕 I've also decided I kind of want to focus on this fic more instead of Found, that way I can still be inspired to write? I'll update Found eventually tho lol. I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading and all the lovely comments!! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Merrin? Do you think I'm. . . exhausted?"
> 
> She frowned. "What do you mean?"
> 
> "I- Do you think that I have a lot on my plate at the moment? Like- like I have a lot that's happening to me at once?"

In the early hours of the next morning, Cere called everyone into the main hull, where they sat in groggy silence as they slowly got rid of their sleep. BD hopped up on the holotable and hummed to himself. 

"Everyone." Cere cleared her throat. She looked like she didn't sleep well. "I  _ know  _ that we don't have any clear indication that the Brood is tracking us down at the moment, but I just can't help but be worried. Although I may be cut off from the Force, I feel that the Brood will obviously be planning an attack of some sort, and I don't think we should lead them here, to Bogano."

"Why is that?" Greez grumbled sleepily.

Cere pursed her lips, resting her hands on her hips as she stood from the sofa. She began to pace the room. "As far as we can tell, they don't know that this planet exists. Bogano could be our only resting place from this. . .  _ feud  _ with the Haxion Brood. We're probably not going to be able to be here as often as we'd like to relax until this is over- sorry about that Cal."

Cal halfheartedly raised up his hands with a wince. "I'm feeling much better now. I don't need it." 

Merrin rolled her eyes as Trilla spoke.

"The Empire knows about Bogano though- that's my fault, and I'm sorry about that. The Brood work with the Empire as well, so shouldn't they know about Bogano by now?"

Cere abruptly paused her pacing and shook her head slowly. "That was my fault in the first place, Trilla. Not all of this is on you."

Trilla payed very close attention to the floor as the words escaped out of her masters mouth. 

Cere continued. "Greez and I have been talking about it, and we believe that the Brood would be here by now if they knew what planet we were on. I think It's in our best interest to leave."

_ They didn't think to talk to me about what the Brood could be doing?  _ Trilla thought with a frown. 

"Where will we be going?" Merrin asked.

"Mimban." Cere strode over to the holotable, and a hologram of a green and blue planet appeared. BD backed away from it so that everyone could see from where they were sitting. "It has a population of one million, and those are indigenous people, not the Empire. It's a swampland, but I value all of our safety rather than how comfortable it is."

"Nothing about the Empire or Brood around it?" Cal leaned forward with a huff.

"Nothing that I've heard." Cere responded. "And I'm good with my communications." She turned to everyone else. "I want us to leave as soon as possible. That's why I woke everyone up so early."

"So no cooking breakfast?" Greez frowned.

"No, I'm afraid not captain." 

The lateron mumbled under his breath as he stood up and walked towards the kitchen. "I can get us some preserved food to keep us going." He called over his shoulder. "I know it won't taste the best, but if we're gonna be quick with this we should just hurry up and eat then." 

"Thank you, Greez." Cere said. "Alright then. Once everyone gets their breakfast, I'd like you to find a spot to rest in so that we can safely jump to lightspeed. Even going back to bed is good. I will be doing that after I see that things are going smoothly."

Greez came back from the kitchen and handed everyone two pieces of dried banta meat each. "Right. So you want me to set our course now?"

"Yes. Please. I'll join you up front."

Cal stared at his food with a frown.

"What's the matter Cal?" Merrin asked, nudging him with a knee.

"I love Greez's cooking," he began. "But I don't know. I think I feel a little nauseous." His brow furrowed at the thought. 

"That's okay." Trilla told him. "How about you go back to bed? I'll wake you once we get there."

The jedi nodded slowly.

Merrin shared a look with Trilla as she stood up, gently pulling Cal along side her. "You can have your food later. I'll put it back in the kitchen. Greez won't be hurt by it. He didn't make it, after all."

"That's true." Cal mumbled. 

"I'll join them up front." Trilla told the others. "Merrin, where will you be?"

"Don't worry. I'll find a spot."

Trilla gave a short nod, and she walked into the cockpit, sitting next to Greez.

"Is everyone sitting down?" He asked her.

"Merrin is getting Cal to bed- he doesn't feel good. I would give them a few minutes before we jump."

"Sounds good." He lifted the Mantis and they flew out of the atmosphere of Bogano, while they waited. 

"Is everyone good back there?" Cere finally called.

"All good!" Merrin answered.

With a slight nod, Greez sent his ship into hyperspace. They sat in silence as they looked at the speed they were going at.

"We should be there in a few hours." Greez stated. He stretched his arms out. "Slick and easy, like Greezy!" He grinned confidently. 

"Good." Cere replied with a slight smile. Trilla laughed slightly at the laterons outburst 

After another long moment of silence, Trilla turned to her master, who had stood up to leave. "I haven't- I haven't seen you that stressed in a long time." She said quietly. Trilla didn't care that Greez could hear her. "Not since. . .  _ before. _ "

Cere paused at the door, unsure of what to say. She looked somber as she turned, her eyes flickering to Greez and back.

"These are. . . hard times, that we are living in. It's easy to be worried, at a time like this." She smiled sadly at her padawan. "Don't let your unease disarm you, Trilla. Remember that." 

She shifted her weight from side to side as Trilla nodded slowly.

"I'll be in my room, if you need me." She said, and walked into the hall.

Trillas brow furrowed as she turned back towards space. "Greez?" She frowned.

"Yeah, kiddo?" The lateron glanced over at her from his readings.

"Why didn't you and Cere talk to me about the Brood? You both know that I have. . .  _ experience  _ with them."

He flexed his hands on the steering wheel as he thought. ""We didn't really want to exhaust you with it. Sorry, kid. Sometimes we've got to let your mind rest a bit. Hell, anyone needs a rest. You think I wanted to eat some dry, cold food this morning? No!"

Trilla laughed lightly, but still wondered at it.  _ I'm not exhausted- am I? _

"I'm going to bed, Greez. Call me if you need me. Even if it's just someone to talk to."

"Uh- yeah!" Greez smiled shyly. "Sure. Get some shuteye."

As soon as Trilla walked into her room, she saw that Merrin was looking in a sketchbook on her bed.  _ Trillas  _ sketchbook.

_ Wait! My drawing of Cal is in there!  _ Her hands began to clam up. 

"Oh!" Merrin looked up, shutting the book. "Sorry, I thought this was mine- they look the same, and I think I left mine in here when we hung out last night. Have you seen it anywhere?"

"No, I can't say that I have." Trilla eyed the nightsister nervously. 

Merrin stood up from the bed and handed the book to Trilla.

_ She doesn't  _ **_act_ ** _ like she saw it.  _ Trilla consoled herself. She swore that she saw a slight twinkle in the girl's eye. Trilla shook herself inwardly, and remembered what Greez had said.

"Merrin? Do you think I'm. . . exhausted?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I- Do you think that I have a lot on my plate at the moment? Like- like I have a lot that's happening to me at once?"

"Well, many things  _ have  _ happened as of late." The nightsister nodded slowly. "But- ever since I myself have joined the Mantis crew, it feels like each day in itself is a new adventure. It's a little all at once at the moment yes, but I think whatever happens will matter in the end. It's okay to be tired Trilla, but you should still confide in your friends when you need it."

"Thank you." Trilla mumbled. "I honestly forgot that you were pretty much new here too."

"Yes, it is strange, isn't it?" Merrin smiled softly. "I feel like I've belonged here my whole life."

"Yeah." Trilla shrugged. "I think I'm headed in that direction. Or at least, I'm trying to."

Merrin shook her head gently as she put a hand on Trillas shoulder. "I'm glad that you are trying. We'll always be here for you, no matter what happens."

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PFFT I am SO sorry that this took like, a month to write 😔 for two weeks I had major writers block and I honestly knew the direction I wanted to take with the rest of this book but I didn't know how to GET there, but here it is!!! writing this chapter alone was like, a break through for the rest of this fic bc now I pretty much have the rest planned out in my head?? THIS IS FAR FROM OVER THO DON'T WORRY!!!!!! thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos, they really keep me going and I probably wouldn't have tried as hard as I did to do this chapter if it hadn't been for you guys. thank you for reading and your feedback 💕💞💕💞


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trilla sat in the grass while she watched BD-1 interact with the insects and wildlife, taking in the sun. She shut her eyes and meditated for a time, listening to the leaves of the trees brush against each other in the breeze. Cal lay stretched out by the Mantis taking in the sunshine as well, but instead of meditating he was just thinking about how happy he was that no one was focused on his health for just a few minutes. It was nice to be on a peaceful planet that wasn't Bogano. 

They settled in a not too muddy spot of land, but the humidity was horrible. Not even staying inside the Mantis all day could help them cool down, so most of the time they rested outside. 

Ceres equipment that she had gotten from Bakura was still stored in the ship, such as tools that Greez would need to boost his ship. 

"I do not understand these tools." Merrin told the lateron as the pair stared at them from the shade of the Mantis. "How can they restore the hyperdrive to what it needs to be?"

"It's not the tools, it's the parts." Greez crossed his arms. "We need the tools to attach and  _ remove  _ the parts. Like- parts of the hyperdrive have rusted over. We need to replace those parts so that we're able to escape faster."

"Let's hope that never happens." 

"You and me both, kid." Greez grumbled. "Now, let's try and pull this hyperdrive out so that we can look at it better."

Trilla sat in the grass while she watched BD-1 interact with the insects and wildlife, taking in the sun. She shut her eyes and meditated for a time, listening to the leaves of the trees brush against each other in the breeze. Cal lay stretched out by the Mantis taking in the sunshine as well, but instead of meditating he was just thinking about how happy he was that no one was focused on his health for just a few minutes. It was nice to be on a peaceful planet that wasn't Bogano. 

Cere walked down the ramp and joined Trilla, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. Her padawan blinked hard at the contact, and turned her head up quickly, peering at her master in the bright sunlight.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." Cere said. "I just finished checking the comms."

"Anything from the Brood or Empire?"

She shook her head. "No. It's a good thing, but it worries me."

Trilla bit the inside of her cheek as she thought, looking at BD once again. He was hiding from a mouse like creature now.

"Do you want me to try? To confirm that they don't know where we are?" She asked.

Cere bit her lip. "No. I actually want you to do something else. Train with me."

Trillas brow furrowed. "W-what?"

Cere crossed her legs as she sat down with her. "Tell me, when was the last time you practiced using your lightsaber? Not defending yourself, just  _ practice. _ "

"I-I don't know. Ever since my back was sliced?" 

"Is your back still troubling you?"

"No. It healed pretty fast."

Cere glanced at Cal. "I wish I could say the same for him."

"Me too." Trillas gaze flickered towards the redhead. "But Cere, I've used my lightsaber far more than you have- no offense. And- well- Cal needs to move around a bit so that he can stay fit while he heals. I know he doesn't like us worrying about him but I  _ am  _ worried about him. Merrin isn't able to take him on a walk right now because of her having to help Greez. Can't we do it later?"

Cere smiled softly. "It won't take long. I just want to make sure that you're still able to protect yourself while fighting Antick."

Trilla began to pick at the grass. "I tried my best with that fight. I didn't know that his staff could block my blade."

"Yes," Cere nodded knowingly. "It is a strange thing. I think you were just confused when it happened, and forgot how to defend yourself. I would be happy to show you the techniques on how to attack someone who is able to block you again."

_ That's not exactly what it was,  _ Trilla thought. "Okay."

They stood up and ignited their lightsabers, separating so that a lengthy amount of space was between them. Cal sat up to look at the pair with a soft smile as he watched the two circle around each other. Merrin and Greez looked over with a smile, but focused on their work again. They had successfully taken the hyperdrive out and it was now sitting in the grass. 

"Now, when I attack, remember to parry me." Cere reminded. 

"And keep the blades locked together." Trilla added with a quick smile.

"So you do remember!" Cere lit up in her pride.

"Only a little."

"That's good!" Cere nodded. "So you know that I'm trying to teach you how to disarm."

"Yes."

"Anything else you remember?"

Trillas brow furrowed as she thought. "Lean, and twist the wrist?"

"Correct! Be sure to lean hard and twist  _ quick _ ." Cere smiled as she lowered herself in a fighting stance. "Are you ready Trilla?"

Trilla mimicked the stance. "Ready."

Cere ran and lunged, and as Trilla swung her lightsaber it slashed through air, making her lose her balance. She stumbled and glared at Cere. 

"I thought you were teaching me how to disarm?" She called.

"It's not going to be that easy in a real fight." Cere smiled with a laugh. "Come on, let's go again."

It took nearly an hour for Trilla to perfectly disarm her master, which Cere seemed good enough. They agreed to continue Trilla's training the next day, but now she was free to do as she pleased.

Trilla walked happily over to where Cal sat while Cere checked on how the hyperdrive was doing, glowing from her exercise. She held out a hand to the Jedi with a grin.

"Where are we going?" He asked, returning her smile. He gripped onto her hand as she pulled him up. 

"On a walk! I wanna explore the surrounding area."

"Did Cere say that we can do that?"

"Of course!" She grinned, leading him into the tall grasses. She hesitantly let go of his hand. "We're doing that again, tomorrow!"

"Good, 'cause you fought well." Cal smiled softly.

"Heh, thank you." Trilla shrugged shyly. "How do you feel about this planet? I'm surprised that we can't even cool off  _ inside  _ the Mantis."

"Yeah, the last time I was on a planet this hot was- I don't know, when I was ten?"

"Oh yeah?" She smiled. A large beetle flew over their heads.

"Yeah." Cal chucked. "What about you?"

She thought about it for a moment.  _ Before everything happened?  _ Trilla didn't want to tell him that- it would ruin their walk.

"When I was fourteen." She said instead, recalling a different memory. One that she was fond of. "Cere and I were assigned to protect a senator. It feels so long ago that I don't remember the planet or the senators name, but I  _ do  _ remember that he was a rich brat. Most of them were, really." She smiled weakly. "What did you and your master do?"

He sighed wistfully. They were in the shade of the trees now. "We fought, instead of guarding senators. I was always scared to get out in battle, but it was always nice to fight by Master Tapal's side. It always. . . felt  _ right  _ when we were done helping a planet, and the planets citizens would come to thank us." He turned to Trilla with an awkward smile. "It felt like I actually did something for someone else, even though there was so much to do with  _ so little time _ in a large galaxy overtaken with war, you know?"

"Yeah," She nodded. They had slowed to a stop, and now they were in a muddy area. "Yeah, I get that."

The trickle of a nearby stream caught their attention. 

"You hear that?" Trilla smiled. 

"Water." Cal grinned back. "C'mon, let's go cool off."

He grabbed Trillas hand and tugged her along with him, making her laugh. She let him lead her on, and they eventually found the stream, which pooled into a small pond.

"Oh, there's  _ so  _ much mud here." Trilla laughed with a slight groan.

"So?" Cal said as he tugged his shoes off and threw them towards a dry patch of land. "Take your boots off! Feel the mud. We're going wading in that pool."

"We are?" Trilla grinned.

"Yeah we are! Hurry up, I'm going in."

The water only went up to his waist where he stood, but he still said: "It feels  _ far  _ better here than it does out there! Just do it!" 

Trilla rolled her eyes teasingly as she pulled off her heeled boots, and walked over to Cal. 

"I honestly can't remember the last time I felt mud in between my toes." She said as she stepped into the outskirts of the pond. The cold water lapped at her feet.

"Come closer!" Cal laughed as he pulled her next to him. The water was up to both of their waists now, and the chill of it instantly cooled her off.

"It  _ does  _ feel better than inside the Mantis." Trilla commented. 

"It does, yeah. This is fun, isn't it?" Cal grinned down at her. 

She liked the way he looked at her.

"You know, you're a lot shorter without your heels."

"Oh, shut up. I'm not  _ that  _ short!" She nudged his shoulder with a scoff. 

"Oh yeah?" He said seriously.

"Yeah." She crossed her arms, trying not to laugh.

With a smirk, Cal waved his hand, and water splashed her face.

"I- Hey!" Trilla giggled. "You used the Force! That's cheating! I wasn't expecting that!"

"That's the fun part." Cal laughed as he did it again.

Trilla returned it with a splash of her own, leaving him spluttering and spitting water out of his mouth. He watched her happily as she laughed.

"You copycat." He smiled. "Do you feel cooled off?"

"Yeah!" Trilla returned the smile.

"Alright, let's go find a spot to dry in. I'll get your shoes.

Trilla followed him out of the shade, and they found a small clearing in the middle of the tall grass that they had walked in before. Cal plopped down and patted the ground next to him, Trilla sitting down with him. 

"I wish we brought BD with us." Trilla said. "He would've enjoyed that."

"I wouldn't." Cal replied with a grin. "Remember when we had to clean him off from the mud on Bogano?"

"Heh, yeah. That  _ was _ fun though."

"Maybe so." He smiled softly. "I don't know, sometimes I like it when it's just the two of us."

Trillas heart did a double-take. "O-oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm glad that we're friends."

_ Just friends, Trilla. Did you get that? _

"Yeah. Me too." She smiled weakly, turning away from him.

"The sun feels nice." He said with a yawn.

Trilla was beginning to get sleepy too.  _ I guess that's just what happens when your already messed up sleep schedule gets interrupted.  _ "Yeah, it does." She shut her eyes and laid her head back. 

With a slight rustle of grass, Cal laid beside her and shut his eyes too. Soon, they were both asleep.

* * *

Trilla woke with a start, sensing that something was. . .  _ off. _

It was night now, and the absence of a moon made it even harder to see the sleeping Jedi beside her. 

"Cal. . . Cal!" She shook him awake. "Cal Kestis!"

He flinched as he woke, blinking hard. "Wh- Yeah? What is it?"

"Does something feel off to you?" She said in a hushed voice.

"Yeah? Mainly the fact that there's no moon." He laid his head back down with a sleepy mumble.

"W- No!" She pulled him up so that he was sitting. "Not that. I think we should go back to the Mantis."

"Now? It's still dark, Trilla. We can barely see anything. Cere, Greez and Merrin will be fine without us for one night, I promise."

"We have our lightsabers to see with." She reminded him, standing and pulling him along with her. Igniting her red blade, she revealed the location of their shoes. "See? It works. Now put your shoes on. I'm worried, Cal. I don't like this feeling I'm getting. You have to trust me."

She saw that he nodded slowly in the red light. "I'll always trust you."

"Thank you. Now come on, we've got to be going."

As they made their way towards the Mantis, glowing bugs lit their path, flickering around them. Trilla would have appreciated their beauty more if she hadn't been so worried. 

"So what's this feeling that you've been getting that I don't feel?" Cal asked from behind her. 

"I don't know, really. We just. . . need to be at the Mantis. I'm sure of it." She said, pushing their way through the tall grass. 

Finally, the grass cleared away to reveal the ship, and it sat dark, as if it wasn't even powered on. 

Cal and Trilla shared an uneasy glance, and moved towards the ramp, only to be stopped by Greez at the foot of it. He seemed to be keeping watch, and he blinked groggily at the bright red lightsaber.

"Where the hell have you two been! Merrin has been looking all over for you!" He yelled at them, standing up.

"Looking for  _ us _ ? Why?" Cal asked behind Trilla's shoulder.

Greez spluttered, stuttering as he tried to get the words he needed to say out. It made Trilla all the more nervous.

"Greez, come  _ on _ . What happened?" Cal tensed.

"It's Cere." Greez cried out finally. "The Brood, the Haxion Brood- they  _ took  _ her!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shjsjsks I PROMISE I won't wait a whole other month 😖 I have??? so much to write w this fic. thanks for reading lovelies!! <3
> 
> p.s. your girl didn't proofread (as if she ever did) and she is sorry if there are mistakes


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lateron took three shuddering breaths and held his comm up. He spoke into it. "Merrin- they're here. Come back to the Mantis."
> 
> "You- you're telling me that she was out there alone?!" Cal said.

Trilla felt sick. 

"Cere- wh- what?" She croaked. 

Her face felt hot. Cal held out his arms as if to hold her steady. Everything was spinning. Cal did the talking this time.

"Greez. What. The hell. Happened." He had an intense look of worry on his face. 

The lateron took three shuddering breaths and held his comm up. He spoke into it. "Merrin- they're here. Come back to the Mantis."

"You- you're telling me that she was out there  _ alone _ ?!" Cal said.

"Looking for you two! You guys were alone too!" Greez wailed.

"The Haxion Brood could have kidnapped her!" He cursed. 

"Oh yeah? They were supposed to come for you two. They only got Cere."

Trilla took a staggering inhale as she began to focus on her surroundings again, tears streaming down her cheeks. "H- how come they didn't get y-you two?"

Greez looked deeply saddened. Disappointed, even. "Cere saw them coming in the distance, awhile after you two left. S- She told us to hide, like how we had on Bakura, you know? So- they didn't see Merrin and me." Tears welled up in his eyes. "We shouldn't have hid. We should have  _ helped. _ "

"They  _ saw _ Merrin though. On Bakura." Cal said, frowning. "And they  _ definitely  _ saw Trilla and I. Why did they just take Cere? Actually- better question- how do we know they're even gone?"

A rustle of grass came from behind the group, and as Trilla turned, her red blade showed them that it was the nightsister. It looked like she had been crying for hours.

"I watched them leave." She said quietly. "I- It was my fault. I should've used my magick. For  _ better  _ I mean. Trilla- I'm so  _ sorry _ ."

"But why did they just take Cere?" Cal asked as Merrin joined the semi-circle around their captain.

"Bait, most likely." She sighed heavily.

"W-we have to go get her." Trilla said shakily. Her breath was shallow, and she was finding it hard to stand.

"I know kid. I know." Greez whispered.

They stood in the darkness, not knowing what to do, or what to think. They were silent.

"Uh- BD-1 is in the ship, Cal." The lateron said quietly, trying to break the silence.

No one spoke a word. Trilla felt sick to her stomach, and she felt the need to lie down. She wanted to go and find Cere  _ now _ . She wanted to scream at the universe, along with finding a dark, damp hole to hide in for the rest of her life. She wanted to do many things. She wanted to cry. She wanted to vomit.

Trilla keeled over with a gag, and Greez awkwardly patted her on the back once she stood with a wobble, wiping her mouth.

With a slight nod towards Cal, Merrin stood by Trilla and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, grasping her hand. 

"C'mon, let's get you to bed." She said quietly, leading her up the ramp.

"N-no, I want to help. I want to get Cere back. I want to know what the hell happened. I want-" 

"Shh." Merrin whispered, nudging her ahead into the bedroom. "You'll know in the morning, I promise. Now lay in bed."

Trilla did as she was told. As Merrin draped a blanket over her, she asked shakily, "Why is the power off?"

The nightsister tucked the blanket around her. "Because we had to turn the Mantis off while we worked on the hyperdrive. That's why- That's why we couldn't fight them this time. Because of Cere telling us to- to hide ourselves and all." It sounded like she was about to cry. 

"Oh." 

"Now go to sleep. You'll know more in the morning." 

Trilla felt hot, after staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, struggling to fall asleep. She kicked off the blanket, and had chills so she covered herself again. 

Trilla had a fitful sleep, and when she dreamt, she dreamt of Cere. She dreamt of meeting her, and saying goodbye. She dreamt of having a quick training session at the Temple before being assigned to a senator to protect on a far away planet. She dreamt of failing, and failing and failing again, wallowing in self pity as she fell to the ground, only to be lifted up by her Master's words: "Get up, padawan, and try again. You still have some fight left in you."

When she woke, she felt a cold washcloth on her head as she jolted her head up. A set of hands pushed her back down on the bed, while another hand kept the cloth to her forehead. Trilla opened her bleary eyes with a sigh.

"Easy, kid. It's just me. You have a fever."

"Greez." She whispered, relaxing against her pillow. Then she remembered what had happened. "Did- did you make a plan while I was asleep?"

"Something of the sort." He replied. "I know a guy who, uh-  _ knows  _ a guy that can help us figure out where she's at."

"They didn't say anything that could give a clue where she's at?"

"No. Of course they wouldn't." He sighed. "I'm really sorry, kid."

Trilla swallowed the lump in her throat. "Was Kenth Antick there?"

"Yeah, he was."

She nodded slowly, chewing on her tongue. The coolness of the washcloth felt good against her skin.

"How did I get a fever? I was fine before."

"I don't know. Super hot day, training, walking around and then something big happening. . . I guess you can say it was bound to happen."

They were silent for a few more moments, and Trilla tried to focus on the washcloth before she thought too much. 

"Do you feel sick in any way? Besides your fever?"

Trillas brow furrowed. "I don't know. . . I feel nauseous."

Greez sighed as he stood up, leaving the cloth to lay. "I'll go get you something to eat with some medicine. Stay still."

She didn't feel like moving much anyways, and she was on the cusp of falling asleep again when Greez came back.

"Here, sit up kid." He gently pulled her up, setting the pillow behind her head as she moved. The lateron took the washcloth away and handed Trilla a light green, fizzing, beverage. "Drink that and eat this plate of eggs, okay? That medicine will help you a bit, and we'll see how you feel in the morning. I'll come back later to pick them up. You can go straight back to sleep, and wake up when you need to." 

As he walked out of the room, he turned and smiled sadly at Trilla. "Take it easy, kid. We'll get her back. I promise you that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok im not gonna focus so much on this story like I have been. still updating! I just want to also write a mertrilla fic and work on my original story 🤩 also short chapter bc we've got to get where we're going.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even if Cere is gone at the moment, you’ve still got people like Merrin, Greez, BD-1 and I, and we’re all here to help.”  
> “I know.” She sighed unhappily, putting her head in her hands. “I just- I just don’t want it to be like. . . the other times.” Trilla looked up at him warily, afraid of what she was about to say. “I think I. . . miss her?”

Trilla walked out of her room, her sleepless, fitful night leaving her groggy and weak. Although she knew she needed to eat, she didn’t feel like touching a speck of Greez’s cooking, no matter how much she had grown to like it. It sounded like he hadn’t even thought of cooking himself, as she didn't hear the usual clattering of dishes in the kitchen in the morning. Walking into the living space of the Mantis, she saw Cal hunched over the holotable, the door to the cockpit unusually shut. BD-1 stood on the edge of the table, and booped softly at her when she appeared at the foot of the doorway.

“Hey,” Cal said quietly, his eyes flickering up at her and back to the table. He looked like he hadn’t slept well either, the bags under his eyes an even darker shade than usual.

“Hey.” Trilla said in return, then tilted her head towards the cockpit. “I’m guessing Greez isn’t in there?”

Cal laughed dryly, shaking his head. “No, he’s in there. He’s trying really hard to find anything he can that could help us get to Cere. Y’know. . .” He faltered awkwardly, forcing himself to return his gaze to the table. “Before we lose her trail.”

“Right. . .” Trilla picked at the hem of her shirt, giving her hands something to do. “Well, what are you doing then?”

“I’m helping Greez out- trying to look through old files that Greez had on the Haxion Brood, stuff that could have led a trail from Greez’s relationship to them that could give them intel on us. . . even stuff about the planets that Cere had been to, before I came aboard.”

“After I. . .”

“Yeah.” Cal nodded knowingly. “How are you feeling?”

With a soft sigh, Trilla moved to sit on the sofa and leaned back so that her head was tilted towards the ceiling. BD followed her and chose to sit in her lap, looking up at her with an inquiring beep. She patted his head absentmindedly, the droid humming happily under her touch.

“I’m okay.” She finally said.

“Are you sure?” Cal said, turning away from the holotable so that he could face her. “That’s some pretty tough stuff to go through for you to just be ‘okay’.”

“I know, I’ve been through worse.”

Cal nodded slowly, returning to his work. “That’s the thing, Trilla. I know you have, and even if Cere is gone. . .”

He faltered when Trilla frowned up at him.

“At the moment!” He added quickly, stretching out a hand towards her to show he meant no harm. “Even if Cere is gone at the moment, you’ve still got people like Merrin, Greez, BD-1 and I, and we’re all here to help.”

“I know.” She sighed unhappily, putting her head in her hands. “I just- I just don’t want it to be like. . . the  _ other  _ times.” Trilla looked up at him warily, afraid of what she was about to say. “I think I. . . miss her?” 

Cal returned her gaze with a sad smile. “That’s okay too, Trilla! Listen, I’m not exactly the best for conversations like this, but what I  _ can  _ say is that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling. I’ve been through some pretty, uh, well  _ confusing  _ emotions myself as of late, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not knowing what to do, and there’s nothing wrong with letting the ones who love you care for you.”

Trilla let his words sink in, her brow furrowed.  _ Love, huh? Confusing emotions?  _ She thought to herself.  _ Argh, the only thing that is confusing is how he  _ **_acts_ ** _ around me. It’s not even a good time to be thinking of this stuff.  _ She picked up BD off her lap and handed him over to Cal as she stood with a small sigh, the small droid hopping onto his friends back with a trill of discontent.

“Thanks Cal. Do you need any help?” She asked, beckoning to the holotable.

He shook his head. “You go on, get some rest. You had the harder day out of all of us.”

_ I guess, and I do still feel a little sick.  _ She nodded in turn and went to go to the refresher. 

As she splashed icy water on her face and neck to get rid of the nauseous heat that absorbed her body, she heard a quiet, muffled noise coming from the hall. Puzzled, she shut the water off, dried her face, and stepped out into the hallway to investigate only for the noise to be emitted again. 

It was a quiet, hiccupping sob, coming from the room across the refresher. “Merrin. . .” Trilla breathed out sadly, then rushed to her door and knocked on it sharply. “Merrin?” She called.

Suddenly the nightsisters sobs cut short, and it was barely a moment before she responded shakily: “Come in.”

As Trilla walked in, she saw Merrin sitting on her bed, her legs pulled into her chest. Her hair was down, not in her usual bun. The bed she sat on was wrinkled from her restless night, and the crystal that she used to channel her powers sat in front of her a ways away from her hands, as if she had been trying to use it.

The Zabrak’s eyes were sorrowful and puffy as she looked up at Trilla. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, her voice cracking. A sob rattled her body again, and she looked away from her, embarrassed.

“What?” Trilla said, taken aback. She closed the door behind her and went hurriedly towards Merrin. “No, don’t be! What can I do?”

Merrin wouldn’t look at her as she tried to compose herself, so Trilla gently grasped her friends hand and sat across from her. Trilla gave the hand a tight squeeze while she slightly moved the nightsisters crystal aside so that she wouldn’t harm it if she were to sit on the bed fully, and as she rubbed her thumb across Merrin’s hand, she began to calm down.

“I’m sorry.” Merrin repeated, finally looking at Trilla.

“It’s okay,” Trilla tried her best to give Merrin a warm smile. Like Cal, she realized, she too wasn’t the best at these situations. Or maybe, not in the same way he does it. “I get embarrassed when I get upset too, but we’re in this together, okay Merrin? I’m here for you.”

Merrin nodded slightly, then wiped her eyes.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Merrin considered her options, and decided to indulge her friend's question. “I know that I shouldn't be thinking this way. . .” She said slowly with a sniffle. “But I can’t help but feel that Cere’s kidnapping was my fault? I should have done something more- it’s like I shamed my sisters and my mother by not using the magick that is given to me. And- and it’s like I shamed Greez and Cere, and you and Cal.” Her lips trembled as she let out her worst thought. “What’s the point of having the last nightsister around when she doesn’t do anything to benefit others?”

Now Trilla  _ really  _ didn’t know what to say, but she squeezed Merrin’s hand harder, Merrin returning the squeeze as she searched Trilla’s eyes for a response.

“Merrin, from anything that I’ve learned here-” Trilla started out. “Well, anything that Greez, Cal,  _ you _ ,” She paused for emphasis, making sure that Merrin was paying attention to her words. “And Cere have taught me, is that- well- that people can make mistakes, and those mistakes can lead to a lot of self doubt. I mean- look at me!” Trilla shrugged self-consciously with a short laugh. “I’m kind of a good example of that, I suppose.” Merrin let out a quick scoff at the weak joke, the corners of her lips twitching. “Besides Merrin, you’re not the one who caused that whole mess,  _ I _ did. You did nothing wrong and I don’t think you’ll ever  _ do  _ anything wrong because in my eyes, you’re one of the best people ever, and from my experience with the Haxion Brood, they can be pretty vicious and cruel.”  _ Sort of like how I was.  _ “I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt as well.” 

Trilla smiled nervously in the silence that followed, the nightsister studying the past inquisitor with watery eyes.

_ Wow. So I’m really not good at these things,  _ Trilla thought when Merrin was still silent. 

“Oh Trilla. . .” Merrin whispered, and reached out to give her a tight hug. 

Trilla stiffened in surprise at the touch, but it was welcoming, so she hugged Merrin back, her head resting on the nightsisters shoulder.

“Trilla, you should know that you’re not the one who caused all this either.” Merrin mumbled into the crook of Trilla’s neck. “Remember when they first came to us, and Cal told you and I that the Brood was already following him? And that he and BD-1 were captured already and they escaped?”

Trilla broke away gently from the hug and held Merrin at the shoulders, looking into her eyes. “Even if that were true,” She said. “I’m worried that there’s still a chance that they could have known how to locate Cal from me?”

Merrin’s brow furrowed, which gave Trilla a pang of nervousness. “What do you mean?”

“Well- as Cere told you and the others, I had worked with the Haxion Brood before, during my. . .  _ job. _ ”

Merrin nodded encouragingly, making Trilla feel better. She was thankful she got to have someone like Merrin at her side.

“And well- they’re obviously angry with me, and  _ have  _ been angry with me. Especially Kenth Antick, and he was the one I worked with the most. . . as you know.”

Merrin nodded again, and tugged Trilla’s arms off of her shoulders so that she could hold her hands while Trilla talked. It was very comforting to Trilla, although unexpected, but she continued on anyways.

“So- I don’t know- it’s just that I’m worried that I’m the cause of even more. . . pain and suffering? I left them originally because I didn’t pay them anything for helping me do. . . the things I did, and right after I left them, I heard a rumor of a Jedi hiding on Bracca, so-” Trilla inhaled sharply in her shame. “I think those men tracked me down, and when I couldn’t get Cal, they got him instead, and then they’ve been tracking him down still, and then once they saw I was with you, things just got even worse, and-” Her words came pouring out all at once, and then the tears came. 

Trilla shook quietly as Merrin held her close and let her friend let it all out. They sat like that for a few minutes, until Trilla was able to breathe properly again, her tears dried.

This time Merrin was the one to put her arms around Trilla’s shoulders, and she said slowly, making sure that she was understood: “Even if that were the case, look at where you are now.” She whispered, a smile slowly spreading across her face. “You’re in a place where no one will do you harm- whether it be emotional, physical, mental. . . And I’ve made mistakes too- like when I misspoke about you.”

“Misspoke about me?” Trilla asked, confused.

Merrin laughed lightly, embarrassed. “I thought you would remember? When you ran out into the rain that night- a few weeks ago?”

“Ah.” Trilla said. “That was. . . very dramatic of me. Hm.”

Merrin hugged Trilla again with another slight laugh and told her: “I know a lot has happened since then, and I’m sure even more change will come to us, whether it be as a crew or individuals. What I also know Trilla, is that you have also changed so much since your time as an inquisitor.”

“As an inquisitor. . .” Trilla breathed, hugging Merrin back. “It’s almost like that was another lifetime ago. A lifetime that I can’t seem to get rid of.”

“That’s just how things are,” Merrin let go of Trilla and moved so that they were face to face. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t give them hell for what they’ve done.”

Trilla laughed nervously under the nightsisters' steely gaze. “You can be pretty intense sometimes.”

“It was an intense conversation!” Merrin defended herself, pretending that Trilla had offended her.

“Maybe so,” Trilla grinned, thankful for her company. “How about a deal?”

“A deal?” Merrin frowned quizzically. 

“Sure,” Trilla nodded. “Since we both seem to be going through it, how about we do something for the other? Like, I make your bed, and- y’know, since we’re all  _ exhausted _ \- you can make some caf, and we’ll go sit in the living area with Cal while we wait for something new to happen?”

“Really?” Merrin smiled weakly. “You don’t have to do that- I mean I’m fine with making caf, but you don’t have to do that for me.”

“Please,” Trilla insisted. “Just let me have something to do.”

Merrin studied her once more before she nodded. “Okay, but I want to fix my hair first.”

“Go for it,” Trilla nodded. “I’ll be there shortly.”

Trilla carefully made the nightsisters bed as Merrin left the room, and she made sure to be gentle with the crystal, and set it down on a table. She hoped she wasn’t being disrespectful with it, and once she deemed that she had done a good job on fixing Merrin’s room she shut the door behind her and made her way towards the living space. 

She saw Merrin peering over the files that Cal was looking over, a cup of caf in Cal’s hand. 

“Feeling better too?” Cal asked her with a small smile.

Trilla’s gaze flickered between the nightsister and jedi. “Yeah, I do.” 

“I’m glad.” He replied, then turned back to the holotable. “There’s caf ready for you.”

“I know, thanks.” Trilla said with a quick nod towards Merrin.

As she went to go pour her cup of caf Trilla thought:  _ Merrin’s right- I  _ **_am_ ** _ safe here. Or at least, this is a stable environment for me. It’s not a good time to think about however I feel about Cal right now. It’s time I start actually working on myself. _

She returned to the living area shortly, set her caf down, and went to go get her sketchbook so that she could draw while she waited for any information on the Haxion Brood and Cere. As she sipped her hot beverage, pencil tapping against her leg, she thought of what to draw. She even tried to fix her old drawing of Cal, but found that even at the beginning of her drawing it wasn’t going to be to her liking. 

Eventually she looked up at Merrin, who was patting BD-1’s head in response to a question that she didn’t understand from the droid. She caught Trilla’s eyes and gave a quick, heartfelt smile and returned back to her work.

Trilla was in the beginning stages of her newest sketch of the nightsister when suddenly the door to the cockpit opened with a click; all in the living area paid close attention to Greez as he stepped out under their gaze.

“Well?” Cal asked. “Anything? I’ve been looking for any information that could help- Merrin’s joined in too.”

Greez shook his head. “We don’t need it.”

“What?” Merrin said, shocked. “Why not?”

“I’m going to make us a meal, because it’s time we all need to eat something and start taking care of ourselves.”

Trilla stood up, her brow furrowed. “Greez, what happened?” She asked firmly.

He looked up at Trilla, his arms stretching out to the side. “I know a way to save Cere- or at least, a way to start.”  
A spark of hope inflamed her entire being. “How?” Trilla whispered.

Greez grinned. “Hondo Ohnaka.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AJSFGADFAKFDAK Yeah okay I really said "no. I will not write next week- only now." so- here it is!! It's so nice to be writing this again, and as I wrote I did have more ideas for a sequel, but it's all about how this fic ends so we will see!!! Because ik where the climax of this is going but not exactly how it's going to end, although I have a sense. Anywho, I hope you guys liked this!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greez took everyones cups of caf as they all moved to the sofa, talking while he refilled their mugs.
> 
> “Listen, I don’t really know what happened with Hondo and the Jedi. Shoot, I wouldn’t know much about the Jedi if it hadn’t been for you guys. Empire and all.” He moved to sit with them, sliding the beverages across the table and leaning towards them enthusiastically. “But I had met Hondo a bit after I got the Mantis.”
> 
> “After your issue with the Haxion Brood?” Trilla asked.

“Hondo Ohn-'' Cal spluttered. “Greez, are you sure that’s a good idea? I’m pretty sure he and his pirate crew messed with the Jedi- before the purge, I mean.”

Trilla couldn’t believe it, her eyes flickering from a confused Merrin to an enthusiastic lateron. “I believe I know what you’re talking about Cal,” She mumbled, unsure of Greez’s choice. “But from what I heard, the Council and his crew worked together at some point.”

“I don’t understand,” Merrin said exasperatedly, turning her between the two force users. “Why would you and your Jedi work with. . .  _ pirates _ ?” 

Trilla and Cal looked at each other. _Why_ ** _did_** _the Jedi Council agree to work with Hondo Ohnaka?_ She wondered. Sure, as padawans they were bound to have heard of him and the Council’s issue with a rogue Sith, but never anything about Ohnaka himself. _As long as he can help me get back Cere._

“I don’t- It doesn’t really matter right now, does it?” Her strength renewed, she hurried to Greez and grasped as many hands as she could. “Greez, how is he able to help us? What did you find out?”

“Um, uh- Sure kid!” He stuttered, embarrassed that all eyes were on him. He grinned weakly, beckoning to the seats. “Lets uh, sit down?”

Greez took everyones cups of caf as they all moved to the sofa, talking while he refilled their mugs.

“Listen, I don’t really know what happened with Hondo and the Jedi. Shoot, I wouldn’t know much about the Jedi if it hadn’t been for you guys. Empire and all.” He moved to sit with them, sliding the beverages across the table and leaning towards them enthusiastically. “ _ But  _ I had met Hondo a bit after I got the Mantis.”

“After your issue with the Haxion Brood?” Trilla asked.

“That's so.” Greez nodded. “I uh- gambled with Ohnaka.”

Cal rolled his eyes. “Seriously? Can’t you tell when you’re around a bad crowd?”

Greez’s brow furrowed as he stared down the red head. “ _ Can’t you tell when you’re around a bad crowd? _ Kid, you and your magic tricks bring the bad crowd to  _ us _ !” He turned to Trilla quickly, smiling gently and lightly patting her hand. “Not you Trilla, you are perfect.”

Trilla blushed at the sudden praise.  _ I didn’t ask for that, but I also don’t mind it. _

“Anyways, yes. . . I did gamble with him. And. . . drank.”

Merrin sighed. “You are a fool, Greez Dritus.”

“It was only a little!” The lateron exclaimed. “I was having a nice chat with him, and I told him that I just got a brand new ship- the one you’re in now.” He added smugly. “Then I told him about my scuffle with the Brood and we got to talking.”

“So your point is?” Cal questioned.

“Hondo won at our game of sabacc- a  _ terrible  _ loss on my part, and he felt bad I suppose, so he told me that if I ever needed anything to contact him. I didn’t think of it until I remembered that he said he knew about the Brood too, so. . .”

“Can he help us get to Cere?” Trilla asked quietly.

“I think so kiddo.”

They sat in their silent thoughts until Cal leaned forward. “I don’t know. . . Greez, from what I know about Hondo Ohnaka and his crew. . . he’s a greedy, sneaky man. We could be stepping into something that we didn’t bargain for.”

“We are already in something that we didn’t bargain for, Cal.” Merrin said firmly. “Cere is missing.”

“I know!” Cal responded. “It’s just that I don’t want us to be in an even deeper hole than we already are. Cere would want us to play it safe.”

Greez turned to Trilla. “What do you think? You’ve known her the longest.”

_ Albeit it wasn’t always the best of times.  _ Trilla added inwardly. “Whatever gets us to her faster.” She remembered the torture she and her master had endured- both physical and mental. “I don’t want her to get more hurt than she already has.”

The captain nodded slowly, rising from his seat. “Lothal it is.”

“Lothal?” Merrin inquired.

“Yeah, I already talked to Hondo about it all. He wants to meet us in some cantina and talk it out. We’ll see what he has to say and go from there.”

“Okay. . . so when are we going?” Trilla asked.

Greez chuckled, releasing some tension that had been stored in the room. “Right now of course, I wouldn’t hold out on her another minute. C’mon kids, find your spots to sit in, and we’ll get to Lothal in no time.”

“Um,” Trilla hesitated, “I was actually thinking of meditating instead, if that was okay with you?” She was unsure why she was nervous asking that, but it was just another reason to meditate.

“Well of  _ course  _ you can!” Greez said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

She shrugged weakly. “I don’t know, just thought I’d ask.”

“Go on,” Merrin encouraged her. “We’ll see you later, okay?”

Trilla nodded back and stepped out of the living space and into her bedroom, the door shutting behind her.

Sitting in the middle of her room, she allowed her mind to calm and find rest; out of all the times that she had struggled to get to this state, this was the easiest it had ever been. Ever since she had become an inquisitor. 

No. Ever since she  _ was  _ an inquisitor.

In her dark room, her eyes shut as she listened and reached out to the Force, there was a light. A dim light, but a light nonetheless. It was hope.

_ When had I felt hope like this before?  _ Trilla wondered, as she reached out into the void. There was no darkness enshrouding her, those ways were gone, but the pain of her past still lingered.

But just as the cruelty of the world had affected her, so had love and kindness.

As the light slowly got brighter, memories of being a padawan were shown to her through the force. She looked upon these scenes as if she were a ghost, transparent and unseen. 

But fourteen year old Trilla Suduri, she was seen. She was heard. She was loved.

As she watched her past flit by in this dark world, she saw how Cere looked at her padawan with a great kind and caring gaze. Trilla saw herself live under the praise of her master, and saw how determined she had been to be the best Jedi she could ever be. She saw herself get her first kyber crystal on Ilum, green in color, with Master Yoda guiding her among many other students of the Force. She remembered how proud Cere had been when her padawan revealed her new lightsaber.

She saw how Master Junda ruffled her hair and given her high praise when she passed a test well, had hugged her in their sorrow when they had lost another clone commander in the war, how she had bragged to the other masters about her padawan- without meaning too, of course.

The dim light was now a shining sun looming in front of her, waiting for Trilla to outstretch her arm and be enveloped in its warm touch. 

These memories both blessed her with their kindness and understanding. They also frightened her. 

_ What if things  _ **_do_ ** _ actually return to the way it was? Or then, what if they don’t?  _ She worried.  _ It all feels like such a lie, but it’s the  _ **_truth_ ** _. Cere was always there for me- I wasn’t just something she could toss away to her.  _ She thought of the Purge, and how her master rushed to distract the turned army so that she and the younglings could survive.  _ No, I was not something she would toss away. _

She reached her hand out hesitantly, her fingertips on the cusp of touching that gentle lightness.

_ Maker- what if it’s all taken away again. What if, this time, I’m the one to mess everything up. _

**_Well you have, haven’t you?_ ** _ The darkness spoke to her.  _ **_Your past still haunts you, oh great inquisitor. Even now your friends, the Brood, carve answers out of your weak master._ **

“They are not. My friends.” Trilla spoke bitterly into the void. “And my master,  _ my master _ , is not weak.”

**_Then you are of ill guidance. These blind fools that follow you around like hungry dogs, forcing you to be around them so they could ‘help’ you. . . you are mistaken. Ah yes, they will betray you too, just like how the clones and the rest of those ‘Jedi’ had._ **

_ No, that’s not true.  _ Trilla thought. Merrin, Cal, Greez, and even Cere. . . even  _ Cere _ , they had allowed her to leave, even  _ told  _ her to leave if she had wanted to. They gave her food, water, and a shelter both physically and  _ emotionally _ . On the Mantis, she was free. On the Mantis, she was Trilla. And Trilla would never let harm come to her friends.

“All you speak of are lies.” She answered in turn. “Lies that  _ I spoke of  _ as well. No, not to any of the people I had hurt, but to  _ me _ . For  _ years  _ I have been stuck in this  _ cage  _ of guilt, anger, fear and hatred. Anger for the order, anger for the republic, anger for Cere, and anger for  _ me.  _ This wooden cage was built by  _ you _ , and I will no longer be under your cold rule. I’m ready to burn this all down, and start anew, to start as Trilla Suduri, padawan of Cere Junda.”

Before the void could answer, Trilla not only reached out into the light, but fully embraced it. The darkness screamed and recoiled at the blindingness, and it was no more.

Not for her.

For the first time in years, feelings of calm and warmth surrounded her. Tears, happy tears streamed from her eyes and she smiled. 

_ Free, finally free. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok uhhhh they were going to meet Hondo this chapter but if I added that this would have taken too long, and I'm sorry it took so long to upload from last time! I struggled a lot with the meditation, but my good friend @moodiestmags helped me out so props to her on that!! Hopefully the next chapter will be uploaded soon.


	18. Update | Spotify Playlist

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay I am SO sorry that I left this fic alone for such a long time. Like sure there is a pandemic going on, and yeah I had time to write and knew what I wanted to happen next here but I also just?? Didn't exactly know how I was going to write it? ANYWAYS IM BACK!!!! And I already have the next two chapters planned out- no saying when I'll next update, next week perhaps? I have a lot of school work I'm doing right now atm, but seriously, good chapters are coming. Also looking back at this fic- man, my writing style was a bit different but also not?? bad to me?? but some parts were cheesy and I've considered rewriting the last time Cal and Trilla had a moment together, but alas, we are going to keep it as is and move on from that AFHAKJFDH so!!! I've recently made a playlist for this fic, and I wanted to share it to those who held out on the wait for this fic for so long (sorry again!) and for the future readers. I've even considered writing a sequel, although I'm not yet sure how to go about that yet. So! The playlist is called New Beginnings, my user is shofnere51. Here is the link: <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Ob4d0nnCYlz91N7knbRK3>

If you're unable to find it for any reason, please just comment on this chapter and I'll help you out :) I'm so excited to get back to writing about my fav girl!


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